IJMC - And Now For Something Completely Different

One more day! I finish out work tomorrow...and I'm outta there. Turn in 
my phone and pager and walk. All done, finito, buh-bye! I'll have time to 
turn back to the finer things in life. Like Calculus. Oi!           -dave








Things I Have Learned From Kids

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke -- lots of it.

A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a forty year
old man says they can only do it in the movies.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

A 4 year olds'  voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing a superman cape.  It is strong
enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) does not stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it
does not leak --  it explodes.

A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot
house 4 inches deep.

Lego's will pass through the tract of a 4 year old.  Duplo's will not.

PlayDough And microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

McGuyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.  Ditto Tarzan.

No matter HOW much Jell-O you put in a pool, you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.  Neither do embroidered
bedsheets.

Marbles in gas tanks make a lot of noise when driving.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

Always look in the dryer before using it.  A 4 year old can break an
arm in a rotating dryer.

The fire department in Detroit has at least a 5 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Quiet does not necessarily mean there's nothing to worry about.

A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.
Unfortunately, mostly in retrospect.
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