IJMC - Various Stuff

What's the difference between Various Stuff and Misc Stuff? Not much, but 
a name. Two days left.                                              -dave








1. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give
the wrong answers.

2. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

3. The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved
in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls
the "Four F's": 1. Fighting; 2. Fleeing; 3.feeding; and 4. Mating. Psychology
professor in neuropsychology intro course

4. What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do
the
unnecessary. -- Richard Harkness, "The New York Times"

5. Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the
radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them."

6. With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles
closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there
are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as
progress. -- Ransom K. Ferm

7. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

8. Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in
the correct screw.

9. The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal
Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

10. Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and
years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst
movies in the history of the world. -- Dave Barry

11. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I
hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

12. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices. -- William James

13. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes
hurtling down the highway. -- Andrew Tannenbaum

14. We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits downon a hot stove-
lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again---and that is well; but
also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. -- Mark Twain

15. There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the
streets? -- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

16. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there are men on base. -- Dave Barry

17. I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that exist seemingly for the
sole accommodation of these so-called limerick writers -- and even sicker of
their residents, all of whom suffer from physical deformities and spend their
time dismembering relatives at fancy dress balls. -- Editor of the Limerick
Times (Limerick, Ireland)

18. When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

19. Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your
triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion
Chinese couldn't care less.

20. 668: The Neighbor of the Beast

21. Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. --
Emo Phillips

22. Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

23. Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones

24. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from
the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent
disinclination to do so. -- Douglas Adams

25. As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important
that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money.
What's important is that you continue to do so. -- Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan
Attorney

26. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist,
a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the
Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?" -- Quentin
Crisp

27. Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two
nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of
another. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

28. I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired
of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with
being sick and tired. I'm certainly not! But I'm sick and tired of being told
that I am! -- Monty Python

29. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. -- George
Carlin

30. Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

31. Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent
revolution inevitable. -- John F. Kennedy

32. Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of
which I disapprove. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

33. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
 --Ashleigh Brilliant

34. Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.

35. Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

36. Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that
way.

37. Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1.Writing his memoirs
of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the
inside of his coffin. --David Letterman

38. Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir,
that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli
replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or
your mistress."

39. For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but
phone calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson

40. I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we
lose game five. -- Charles Barkley

41. My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I
realized that I had no character. -- Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding
proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of figure skating"

42. The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A
language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very
good name and now I am looking for a suitable language. -- D. E. Knuth, 1967

43. A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit. --
In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the Army's magazine of
preventive maintenance

44. An Animated Cartoon Theology:1. People are animals. 2. The body is mortal
and subject to incredible pain. 3. Life is antagonistic to the living. 4. The
flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, and plucked
for music. 5. The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by
their own cunning. 6. The small are tortured by the large and the large
destroyed by their own momentum. 7. We are able to walk on air, but only as
long as our illusion supports us. -- E. L. Doctorow "The Book of Daniel"

45. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But
I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

46. Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but  they don't
realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. Hobbes:
Isn't your pant's zipper supposed to be in the front?

47. On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler, I
don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler replied, "I
agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me
to award."

48. The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average
(mean) number of legs. -- E. Grebenik

49. Old Yiddish proverb: "If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides."

50. Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it starts
avoiding you. -- Old Farmer's Almanac

51. G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter
oneself over a wide area." -- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4

52. The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.--Plutarch

53. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then
a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." -- Charlie
Brown

54. The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.--
Salvador Dali

55. What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of
the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult. -- Sigmund Freud

56. I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but
they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson

57. Sacred cows make the best hamburger. -- Mark Twain

58. "Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog