IJMC Top 39 Things?

                        IJMC - Top 39 Things?

You know, I just have to wonder what the top 40th thing was, and why it 
wasn't good enough to be on this list.                            -dave









 The Top 39 things you would NEVER hear a Southerner
 say ever, no matter how much they've had to drink, no
 matter how far from the South they've wandered and no
 matter how much the skunks are threatening...
 
 39. I'll take Shakespeare for $1,000, Alex
 38. Duct tape won't fix that
 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael
 36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken
 35. We don't keep firearms in this house
 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
 33. You can't feed that to the dog
 32. I thought Graceland was tacky
 31. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe
 30. Wrasslin's fake
 29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
 28. We're vegetarians
 27. Do you think my hair is too big?
 26. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy
 25. Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
 24. Who's Richard Petty?
 23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds
 22. Deer heads detract from the decor
 21. Spitting is such a nasty habit
 20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today
 19. Trim the fat off the steak
 18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso
 17. The tires on that truck are too big
 16. I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad
 15. I've got it all on a floppy disk
 14. Unsweetened tea tastes better
 13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
 12. My fiance, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's
 11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl
 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams
 9.  Checkmate
 8.  She's too old to be wearing a bikini
 7.  Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
 6.  Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw that we haven't seen
 5.  I don't have a favorite college team
 4.  Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side
 3.  I believe you cooked those green beans too long
 2.  Those shorts ought to be a little longer

 And the #1 thing you would NEVER hear a Southerner say is,

 1.  Elvis who?


IJMC October 1998 Archives