IJMC The Bill Of No Rights

                     IJMC - The Bill Of No Rights

I almost want someone to sue me so I could end up winning a landmark 
countersuit. One that makes the person who brings a stupid and frivolous 
lawsuit to court pay for everything...oh well.                     -dave








(The following was written by State Representative Mitchell 
Kaye from Cobb County, GA.) 

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the
blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great
grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some
common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden,
delusional liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people
were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require
a Bill of No Rights. 

BILL OF NO RIGHTS

ARTICLE I:  You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV 
or any other form of wealth.  More power to you if you can legally
acquire them,but no one is guaranteeing anything. 

ARTICLE II:  You do not have the right to never be offended.  This
country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone
- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express 
a different opinion, etc., but the World is full of idiots, and
probably always will be. 

ARTICLE III:  You do not have the right to be free from harm.  If you
stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not
expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
independently wealthy. 

ARTICLE IV:  You do not have the right to free food and housing. 
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will 
gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of
subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch
potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another
generation of professional couch potatoes. 

ARTICLE V:  You do not have the right to free health care.  That 
would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just
not interested in health care. 

ARTICLE VI:  You do not have the right to physically harm other
people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone,
don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the
electric chair. 

ARTICLE VII:  You do not have the right to the possessions of 
others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of
other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together
and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right
to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure. 

ARTICLE VII:  You don't have the right to demand that our children
risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience.
We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you
from going to fight if you'd like.  However, we do not enjoy
parenting the entire world and do not want to spend a lot of our 
time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform
and a funny hat. 

ARTICLE VIII:  You don't have the right to a job.  All of us sure
want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard
times; but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of
education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself
useful. 

ARTICLE X:   You do not have the right to happiness.  Being an
American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which,
by the way,is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance
of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill
of Rights.


IJMC March 1998 Archives