IJMC - The Moron Awards

Not quite as reputable or even close to the Darwin Awards, here's a 
collection of stories that someone thinks would make an appropriate, 
Mega Moron Awards. You be the judge.                           -dave








  MEGA MORON AWARDS

 Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole
 the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. 
 (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he
 didn't get  the videotape of himself stealing the camera).

 Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter
 and asked for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
 pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
 promptly provided.  The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
 leaving the $20 bill on the counter.  The total amount of cash he got
 from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and
 gives you money, was a crime committed?]

 Florida: [Uh, pardon our English] A thief burst into the bank one day
 wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun.  Aiming his gun at the guard, the
 thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!" For a moment,
 everyon was silent.  Then the snickers started.  The guard completely
 lost it and doubled over laughing.  It probably saved his life, because  
 he'd been about to draw his gun.  He couldn't have drawn and fired 
 before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large.  In
 memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved
 "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a fxxk-up!" 

 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided
 that  he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, 
 grab some booze, and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it 
 over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the
 would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor
 store window was made of Plexi-Glass.  The whole event was caught on 
 videotape.

 Seattle : When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome
 parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. 
 Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a 
 motorhome near spilled sewage.  A police spokesman said that the man 
 admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the 
 motorhome's sewage tank by mistake.  The owner of the vehicle declined 
 to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

 Ann Arbor : The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
 into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5:00am, flashed a gun and
 demanded cash.  The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
 open the cash register without a food order.  When the man ordered 
 onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.  The 
 man, frustrated, walked away.

 Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
 running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. 
 Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled 
 the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. 
 With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still 
 attached to the chain.  With their vehicle's license plate still 
 attached to the  bumper.

 Newark : A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that
 there was a car phone in it.  The policeman taking the report called the 
 phone, and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the 
 newspaper and wanted to buy the car.  They arranged to meet, and the 
 thief was arrested.