IJMC - You Don't Know Jack

Here's one that I would swear has gone out on the IJMC before, no pun 
intended. But I can't find an old copy of it, so, here it is again. After 
all, everyone needs to know who is Jack Schitt.                     -dave








Who is Jack Schitt ?  -  the Lineage Revealed

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't
know Jack Schitt."  Now, you can handle the question. 

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awe Schitt, the
fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of KneeDeep & Schitt,
Inc. 

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple
produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, the twins - Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt,
Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt. Against his parents'
objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. 

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe later
married a Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she
wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. 

Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a son, Chicken Schitt. 
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and,
consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. 

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the
prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his
new bride, Pisa Schitt. 

Now, when someone says you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them...