IJMC - The Classes and the Tales

Since all of this was bundled up nicely for me...it's staying bundled up 
nicely for you...just remember, it's an equal-opportunity offender, it's 
going for both males and females.

And a quick update...I got a live person at Netcom today! I still haven't 
talked with (or even had the existence proven of) the person in charge of 
the Majordomo server...but it's a step. This will be fixed!         -dave




SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females)

1.    Combatting  Stupidity
2.    You, Too, Can Do Housework
3.    PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4.    How to Fill an Ice Tray
5.    We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6.    Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am
7.    Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks")
8.    Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
9.    Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10.   How Not to Act Like a Jackass  When You're Obviously Wrong
11.   Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12.   Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13.   You: The Weaker Sex
14.   Reasons to Give Flowers
15.   How to Stay Awake in Public
16.   Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom
17.   Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
18.   You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try
19.   The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower
20.   I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please
21.   How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled "No, It's Not a
      Bidet")
22.   "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms
23.   Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bull
24.   How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost
25.   The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
26.   Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
27.   Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
28.   Mothers-in-Law: They are People Too
29.   Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
30.   You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
31.   Seeing the True You (formerly  "No, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson
      When Naked")
32.   Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
33.   The Attainable Goal: Omitting "tits" From Your Vocabulary
34.   Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary
35.   Techniques for calling home

~~~~~~~~~
SEMINARS FOR FEMALES (prepared and presented by males)

1.    Elementary Map Reading
2.    Crying and Law Enforcement
3.    Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR
4.    You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
5.    Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast
6.    The Seven-Outfit Week
7.    PMS:YOUR Problem, Not Mine ("It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty:
      Deal With it")
8.    Driving I:Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
9.    Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights
10.   Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed
11.   Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water
12.   Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament
13.   Telephone Translations (formerly titled " 'Me Too' Equals I Love You")
14.   How to Earn Your Own Money
15.   Gift-giving Fundamentals (formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics
      Good")
16.   Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
17.   Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
18.   Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station
19.   Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels
20.   What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
21.   His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too
22.   His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
23.   Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock")
24.   To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"
25.   Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
26.   Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?

******************

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course,
He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There
was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a
young lady in the back seat knitting.  He stopped to investigate. 

He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.  

The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes officer ?"

"What are you doing ?" the policeman asked.

"What does it look like ?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked
"And what is she doing ?"

The young man looked over his shoulder and replied. "What does it look 
like, she is knitting."

"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.

"I'm nineteen." he replied.

"And how old is she?" asked the officer.

The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes
she'll be eighteen.

****************

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th
wedding anniversary.  The old man leans forward and says softly to his
wife "Dear, there is something that I must ask you.  It has always
bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our
children.  Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most
wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer can not
take that all that away.  But,.. I must know, did he have a different
father?" 

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused
for moment and then confessed. "Yes.  Yes he did." 

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit
him harder than he had expected.  With a tear in his eye he asks "Who?..
Who was he?  Who was the father?" 

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried
to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. 

Then, finally, she says "You".