IJMC - "Luke", and Other Star Wars Favorites

Now available to you on Compact Disk or Audio Cassette are these special 
Star Wars feature songs. Hear the story of Yoda meeting Luke to the tune 
of the Village People's "Y.M.C.A." or recall the entire trilogy with 
headbanging stormtroopers! Remember, this is available for a limited time 
only so buy now and enjoy forever!                                  -dave





** "Luke" (to the tune of "Lump" by The Presidents of the USA)
**
** New words by Patrick Mines.

Luke sat alone on Tatooine,
Waiting for something to happen to him.
Droids showed up on the moisture farm,
They totally confused all the passing jawas.

He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head.
He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead.

Luke lingered long on Dagobah,
And the dream he got was sort of rotten and it seems
Ben lied to him and Vader's his dad.
Is Luke over there hanging out with no hand?

He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head,
He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead.

(whining)

Luke was standing ready and without a care.
The guard pushed him off and he tumbled through the air.
He did some fairly heroic-type deeds.
Luke left for Endor at subsonic speeds.

He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head,
He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead.

Is this Luke outta my head?
I think so.
Is this Luke outta my head?
I think so. Yeah! Whooo!
Is this Luke outta my head?
I think so.
Is this Luke outta my head?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Imperial Rhapsody by: Queen
**
** (sung to: Bohemian Rhapsody)

LANDO: This is the good life
This is a fantasy
Working on Bespin
An escape from Reality.
LEIA: Open your eyes
Stand up to these guys and see.
LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy
Cuz who's my dad, I dunno
Little whine, little moan.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me

PIETT: Vader just killed a man.
Raised an arm up in the air
Now his life is no longer there.
Vader, we had just begun,
And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum.
Vader, ooooooo.
Didn't mean to make you mad
If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened.

YODA: Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time.
LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force.
PIETT: Vader, ooooooooo.
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH!
I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me.
REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family.
Spare him this life of such mendacity!
HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go.
JABBA: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.
LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee,
      for MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Stormtroopers start headbanging)

LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine?
But you cut my hand off and left me to die!
Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader.
I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you.

OBIWAN: May the Force be with you.
Use the Force to see.
May the Force be with you,
May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays.

HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter,
     to meeeeeeee. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


** Y.O.D.A (To the Village People's "Y.M.C.A")
**
** (As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker).

YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said
YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said
YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I
*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am
WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you
GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say
*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
Come and get yourself clean!
Come and have a good meal!
Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel!

YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this
TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*
YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is
COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be
HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is
*MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
Don't just stand in the rain!
You're all covered with mud!
come and sample my homemade crud!

OLD BEN, Are you listenin' to me? I can't
TRAIN HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his
OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha
*HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be
GOING, off to save all your friends? To be
TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK*

You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
You should stay here and train!
You don't have to save Han!
If you do so, you'll lose your hand!

You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
(repeat and fade).


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** KENOBI
**
** (sung by Darth Vader to the tune of "Cecilia," during their duel)

CHORUS

Kenobi,
You shouldn't have come back,
You best watch your back
Or I'll kill ya.
Oh Kenooooobi,
Your powers are weak,
You're feeble and meek,
And you're old.
Old, old, old.

Swingin' blades
In the afternoon,
With Kenobi,
He's an old buffoon
(old buffoon)
I cut through
His chest and face,
When he falls to the ground
Air has taken his place.

REPEAT CHORUS

FUNKY NOISES SOLO

Ju-bi-la-tion!
I murdered that coot,
He's stuck to my boot
And I'm laughing.
Ju-bi-la-tion!
I murdered that coot,
He's stuck to my boot
And I'm laughing.

LUKE: Noooooo! No nooooo!
No noooo no no no nooooo! . . .


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** HAN (To REM's "Stand")
**
** (As sung by His Excellency, Jabba The Hutt)

Han in the place where I live
(On the wall) Think about adhesion, wonder what holds him up there
now
Han in my palace at home
(It's the best)
Makes a good example for the people who are working for me.

Now if, you have, to hang up your hat
just use, the guy, who's frozen and flat
His hand, is there, to hold things for you
And Han, is there, 'cause I like the view!

Oh Han with my trophies at work
(Excellent)
Think about collection, wonder can I get the Wookiee now
Han, brought here by my best friend
(Boba Fett)
Stops him dumping cargo runs and blowing my employees in half

:-)

Now Han, a statue, is a good sight
I'm glad, that Vader, used carbonite
He's not, asleep, he's stuck in a dream.
I like, his face-perpetual scream!

Oh Han on display in my room
(Work of art)
Think of decoration, maybe should I hang him sideways now?
Han, it was worth all the cash
(Every cent)
He even opens bottles and I think he'd make real good doorman

Han on the deck of my barge
Han frozen stiff as a bar
Han doesn't wander too far
Oh Han!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** THE MAX REBO BAND
**
** (To Billy Joel's "The Pianoman")

It's nine o'clock down at Jabba's place
the regular crowd waddles in
there's a weird thing sitting next to me
it has three eyes and mottled gray skin.

Fett says Max can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
but it's haunting and sweet and if you miss a beat
this carbine will blow off your nose.

He said sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
except Solo, who's in carbonite.

La de de da, de de da
La da de de da, da dum..

Now Jabba the Hutt is a friend of mine
he gives me my life for free
And because he's a Hutt, why, we all kiss his butt
or the rancor will have us for tea.

He said "Bo Shuda, offom da Tukatti!"
as he stuffed a frog into his face
but we don't know a woid, 'cause he shot the talkdroid
So we'll smile and nod, just in case.

Oh, La de de da, de de da
La da de de da, da dum..

Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
except Solo, who's in carbonite.

Sy Snootles is our favorite vocalist
her face it ain't launching no ships.
Don't know why it behoove her to go kiss a Hoover
but that's how she got those weird lips.

A Gammorean guard is headbutting bricks
as another one gnaws on a bone
and I don't know which has less intelligence
either those two big thugs or the stone.

Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
except Solo, who's in carbonite.

Oh, la da da da de de dah
la da de de da dah dum..

It's a pretty good crowd, here at Jabba's place
it's a killing, that's why we're all here
we'll sail over the dune to the pit of Carkoon
and we'll toss someone in with a cheer.

'Cause we gotta new droid on the pedestal
and a man in black's come in the door
he just pointed a gun over Salacious Crumb
and then promptly sank through the floor.

Oh, La de de da, de de da
La da de de da, da dum..

Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
for the Jedi Skywalker is down below
and the rancor is gripping him tight


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Blast, Loot, Pillage, Burn
**
** (Tune- Mickey Mouse Club Theme)

Blast, loot, pillage, burn, blast, loot, pillage, burn.
Who's the leader of the Horde that's made for what we are?
Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R!
Hey there, hi there, ho there! We'll conquer every star!
Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R!

Darth Vader! (Obi Wan) Darth vader! (Skywalker!)
For ever let us hold our blasters high! High! High! HIGH!

Come along and sing our song and march with us to war,
Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R!

(slowly)
Now its time to say goodbye - they're closing up the bar -
Lord D-A- [aaayy]*
R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!]
V-A-D-E- (pause) R-R-R-R.

*a la the Fonze, including thumbs up gesture.
A- [aaayy]*
R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!]
V-A-D-E- (pause)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Diplomatic Droid"
**
** (to the tune of "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General",
** from Gilbert and Sullivan's "Pirates of Penzance")
** From: redfive@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (from _HMS DEATHSTAR_)

THREEPIO:
I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid
I'm fluent in the languages of Robot, Wookiee, humanoid,
A binary loadlifter does not pose the slightest mystery,
I know the rules of protocol and also human history.
I'm very well acquainted too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news --
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

CHORUS
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse (X3)

THREEPIO
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
In short, my masters find in me a reason to be overjoyed,
I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.

CHORUS
In short his masters find in he, etc.

THREEPIO
I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid;
Adventure is the sort of thing I'd hoped that I could quite avoid,
For droids who find adventure often find that they get melted down ,

Or shipped out to the Kessel mines and tiresome labor underground.
My counterpart excels at making trouble for the rest of us,
He lured me to the desert where the jawas soon molested us,
They sold us to some farmers, and before the passing of a day,
I had to tell my master that the little twerp had run away

CHORUS
He had to tell etc. (X3)

THREEPIO
Now that were on the Death Star, and stormtroopers swarm the premises,

I'm hiding in the closet with that little Artoo nemesis;
And so I want to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets us both destroyed.
I was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.

CHORUS
And so he wants to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets them both destroyed,

He was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.