IJMC - Diskvellification

Oy. So, a little trip up to the Catskill Mountains and I am feeling pretty
good. Kinda nice to see the Milky Way with the unaided eye. Course, since
I am still way behind in my script writing, I could not send anything
out. I thought about taking a laptop and trying to find a dial-up line,
but then, that woulda killed the point of the trip. Re-lax. Ok, so I
coulda told everyone I was going, but that would have required time in the
day or two before I left. Which I just dinna have. I am sure you all
managed. At least the website stayed up and the archives section is
working again. Maybe again is being too kind...I am not sure the archives
section ever worked until a couple of weeks ago...go visit!          -dave







1. JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is
Jewish.

2. TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from
the Torah at one's Bar or Bat mitzvah.

3. SANTA-SHMANTA n. The explanation Jewish children get for why they
celebrate Hanukah while the rest of the neighbors celebrate Christmas.

4. MATZILATION v. Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter
it.

5. BUBBEGUM n. Candy one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she
never gave to her own children.

6. CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife at 4:00a.m. so she can change
the baby's diaper.

7. DEJA NU n. Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on
your mother's face but not knowing exactly when.

8. DISORIYENTA n. When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and
strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

9. GOYFER n. A Gentile messenger.

10. HEBORT vb. To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after
one's Bar Mitzvah.

11. JEWDO n. A traditional form of self defense based on talking one's way
out of a tight spot.

12. MAMATZAH BALLS n. Matzo balls that are as good as mother used to make.

13. MEINSTEIN - slang. "My son, the genius."

14. MISHPOCHADOTS n. The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on
one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a
reception.

15. RE-SHTETLEMENT n. Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your
old neighbors live in the same condo as you.

16. ROSH HASHANA-NA-NA n. A rock 'n roll band from Brooklyn.

17. YIDENTIFY v. To be able to determine ethnic origins of celebrities
even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis, or Taylor.

18. MINYASTICS n. Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth
person to complete a minyan.

19. FEELAWFUL n. Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.

20. DIS-KVELLIFIED vb. To drop out of law school, med school or business
as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents, and Uncle Sid. In
extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv's son,
David, is majoring in biology, is sufficient grounds for
diskvellification.

21. IMPASTA n. A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of
Passover.

22. KINDERS SHLEP v. To transport other kids in your car besides yours.

23. SCHMUCKLUCK n. Finding out one's wife became pregnant after one had a
vasectomy.

24. SHOFARSOGUT n. The relief you feel when after many attempts the shofar
is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

25. TRAYFFIC ACCIDENT n. An appetizer one finds out has pork in it after
one has eaten it.