IJMC - Martha Stewart Stays Home For Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is definately an American holiday. And this American is going
to be in a combination of Budapest, Vienna, and Paris on this
Thanksgiving. So, a little shout out to all my dawgs back in the
states! Woof! Chow down on that turkey and save some of the booze for when
I return. Soon now...I feel like my trip is already over. daveTour Europe
2000, coming to an end on a continent near you...speaking of which, Lars,
have a great time in London, shame I cannot join ya. And anyone who is in
Paris on Monday the 27th, feel free to join me for a breakfast buffet at
the Paris Hilton. Let me know you will be there...and I will tell you when
and what I will likely be wearing. Now if that does not excite ya...I feel
a lot better for you. G'night all, this dave is exhausted.           -dave




Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling
you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming,
I've make a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After
a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of
flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china or
crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone
will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using
the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I
promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration
hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it
is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while
you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have
made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please
remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 AM upon discovering
that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to
the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming.  If
the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal
drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey
in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with Martha's idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce
the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional
method of yelling, "LET'S EAT!!" And we've decided against a formal
seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the
table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the
children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in
front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at
our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private
ceremony.  I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances,
enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children
to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed.
It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice
between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the
traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small
fingerprints. You will still have a choice: take it or leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably
won't come next year either.

I am thankful.