IJMC - Really Really bad philosophy Jokes

I may have a "substitute" poster on the rise...a good friend of mine back
in Atlanta sent this one already titled with "IJMC" at the beginning of
the subject...now all I need is good blurbs from Mr. Drake, and voila,
instant posts! Well, for those who care, I am still in Tours although I
leave tonight. Tomorrow morning should find me in Madrid, Spain after a
nice night train. So if I am gone for a while, well, hope the bulls did
not get me!                                                        - dave




"How Do you fix the Kant CD-Rom?"
"With the E-manual!"

How do the folks with one thesis and a new antithesis resolve their
differences?
They Hagel about it!

In the Bat Man versus Maimonedes Espisode, what were the Sound Effects?
"Ramm!  Bamm!"

How do Christian Existentialists stop themselves from Drinking and
driving too much?
With a Kir-Car-Guard!

What was Sir Isaac eating when he discovered calculus?
Fig. Newton's.

When Hobbes wanted to lose weight, what did he eat?
Levia-Thins!

How many deconstructionists does it take to ruin a Novel?
Fish!

What is the Analytical philosphers favorite beer?
Wittgenstein!

In what Danish city will you only get a speeding ticket if they don't
know where you are?
Heizenberg!

What bird is the patron saint of the philosophy haters?
Quayle

And of course What is the most important lesson of Plato?
Keep the lid on!