IJMC - Microsoft Goes Open Source

In a stunning turn of events, Microsoft has decided to switch to an Open 
Source model with their Windows 2000 product. Citing pressure from the 
recent goverment case, general users, and the Linux crowd, Bill Gates was 
wished to have said, 

   "Today I am pleased to provide Windows 2000 to the Internet as a 
whole. With Windows 2000 available for everyone to modify, there will be 
no stopping Microsoft domination of the desktop market."

We are proud here at the International Junk Mail Clearinghouse, as we 
have one of the first copies of the Windows 2000 (W2K) source code, only 
slightly more dangerous than the Y2K bug.                           -dave






         /*  Source Code to Windows 2000   */

          #include "win31.h"
          #include "win95.h"
          #include "win98.h"
          #include "workst~1.h"
          #include "evenmore.h"
          #include "oldstuff.h"
          #include "billrulz.h"
          #include "monopoly.h"
          #define INSTALL = HARD

          char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
          void main()
          {
              while(!CRASHED)
              {
                  display_copyright_message();
                  display_bill_rules_message();
                  do_nothing_loop();
                  if (first_time_installation)
                  {
                      make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
                      do_nothing_loop();
                      totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
                      search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
                      make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux();
                      disable_Netscape();
                      disable_RealPlayer();
                      disable_Lotus_Products();
                      hang_system();
                  }

                  write_something(anything);
                  display_copyright_message();
                  do_nothing_loop();
                  do_some_stuff();

                  if (still_not_crashed)
                  {
                      display_copyright_message();
                      do_nothing_loop();
                      basically_run_windows_3.1();
                      do_nothing_loop();
                      do_nothing_loop();
                  }
              }

              if (detect_cache())
                  disable_cache();

              if (fast_cpu())
              {
                   set_wait_states(lots);
                   set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
                   set_mouse(action, jumpy);
                   set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
              }

              /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.1");    */
              /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11");   */
              /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95");     */
              /* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 3.0"); */
              /* printf("Welcome to Windows 98");     */
              /* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 4.0"); */
              printf("Welcome to Windows 2000");

              if (system_ok())
                  crash(to_dos_prompt)
              else
                  system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

              while(something)
              {
                  sleep(5);
                  get_user_input();
                  sleep(5);
                  act_on_user_input();
                  sleep(5);
              }
              create_general_protection_fault();
          }