IJMC - Broadway Done Different

From reading this, I realize I simply have not seen enough theater. 
Perhaps I should take my next trip to New York and take a look at what is 
playing then. Catch up on a few more classics, see a few I have always 
wanted to, and even check out some of the new hits. Then again, I hear 
the Bahamas are nice...                                             -dave






Rosie O'Donnell suggested that they change the lyric, "I can shoot a
partridge with a single cartridge" when "Annie Get Your Gun" visited her
show, to make it less violent. This inspired writer Susan Brady Konig to
suggest even more politically correct changes in her article: "A Rosie
View Of Broadway Classics." 

WEST SIDE STORY:  The Sharks and the Jets rumble.They're subsequently
arrested by Officer Krupke and sentenced to a low-security juvenile
rehabilitation facility, where they are all diagnosed with
attention-deficit disorder and put on Ritalin and Prozac. 

MY FAIR LADY:  Professor Higgins attempts to transform street urchin Eliza
Doolittle into a society maiden. With the help of an ACLU lawyer,
Doolittle sues Higgins for violating her constitutional right to live on
the street. Perplexed, Higgins sings the gender-neutral "Why Can't A
Person Be More Like A Person?" 

GYPSY:  Mama Rose pushes her daughter Gypsy Rose Lee into vaudeville.
Gypsy grows up and becomes a burlesque stripper.  Show ends abruptly,
shortly into the second act, as all the strip clubs have been shut down by
the mayor. Gypsy takes a job as a clerk in the Disney store on 42nd
Street. 

HARVEY:  Everywhere he goes, Elwood Dowd sees a giant, invisible rabbit.
He undergoes therapy and is put on Ritalin and Prozac. 

THE KING AND I:  The King of Siam is unhappy with the plummeting reading
scores of his many children since the arrival of Anna, teacher from the
West He tries to fire her.  Unfortunately, she is protected by a strong
union and there's nothing he can do about it.  She whistles a happy tune. 

PETER PAN:  Never-never land is forced to admit Lost Girls as well as Lost
Boys.  Tiger Lily sues the government to recover tribal lands and opens a
casino. Mr. and Mrs. Darling are visited by Family Services after leaving
their children in the care of a dog. 

OLIVER!  The conniving but lovable Fagin is arrested on several counts of
contributing to the delinquency of a minor.  He agrees to a plea bargain
and, with the help of a court-appointed therapist, is diagnosed with
attention-deficit disorder and put on Ritalin and Prozac. 

And, of course: 
ANNIE GET YOUR GUN gets properly registered, after submitting to the
required background checks and mandatory five-day waiting period.