IJMC - Haikus for Jews

They call the lack of haiku for a given religion "a gap"? Hmm, anyone 
think we could put together "Haiku for Satanists"? Perhaps I should not 
venture so far and simply ask for "Haiku for Paganists" or maybe "Haiku 
for Scientologists"? Do books already exist for "Haiku for Protestants" 
or "Haiku for Monasticism"? Ooh, I know another one that would be fun, 
how about "Haiku for Voodoo"? I can see it now, we could call it "That 
Voodoo You Haiku". Ok, be afraid. Be very afraid.                 -dave




It is common knowledge that poetry lovers have been frustrated by the fact
that no poet has chosen to express Jewish themes and feelings in the haiku
style (three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables
respectively). 

Filling this gap in poetic literature, David M. Bader has recently written
a book entitled, Haikus for Jews. Here are a few examples of his poetry: 


Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

Five thousand years a
wandering people-then we
found the cabanas.

In the ice sculpture
reflected bar-mitzvah guests
nosh on chopped liver.

Beyond Valium,
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing-
got it at Loehmann's.


In a stage whisper
a yenta confides the name
of her friend's disease

Jewish triathlon-
gin rummy, then contract bridge,
followed by a nap.

Looking for pink buds
to prune back, the mohel tends
his flower garden.

Look Muffy!  I've found
the most splendid  tchotchke for
our Hanukkah bush.

Scrabble anarchy
after putzhead is placed on
a triple-word score.

The wily red fox-
at temple, I spy its paws
lurking in a stole.

Hava nagila,
hava nagila, hava-
enough already.

Would-be convert lost-
thawed Lender's Bagels made a
bad first impression.

Quietly murmured
at Saturday services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

Today I am a
man.  Tomorrow I return
to the seventh grade.

The sparrow brings home
too many worms for her young.
"Force yourself," she chirps.

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast-feh

Left the door open .
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

The shivah visit-
So sorry for your loss.  Now
back to my problems.

Hard to tell under
the lights-white Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness?

Lonely mantra of
the Buddhist monk-"They never
call, they never write."

Denmark's Jewish prince-
"To be or not to be-Oy!
Have I got tsuris."

"Through the Red Sea costs
extra."  Israeli movers
overcharge Moses.

No fins, no flippers
the gefilte fish swims with
some difficulty.

Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel.  Shlimazl.  Tochis.
Oy!  To be fluent!

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