IJMC - So What Happenned to the Dodgers?

I remember back around when the Atlanta Braves were picking up and making 
a new name for themelseves that the Dodgers were the enemy. And now, in 
what I call a messed up game, we are barely keeping the Mets from 
winning. Oi, I need to get to sleep! Tomorrow is my first day on the new 
job so maybe my schedule will straighten back out. I think I am going to 
send a post every inning...and we just finished the 10th...         -dave





GREATER LOS ANGELES (AND ORANGE COUNTY) AREA  DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:___________________
Stage name:__________________________
Agent: ______________
Attorney: __________________
Sex:
male ___
female ___
formerly male ___
formerly female___
both ___

If female, indicate breast implant size: ____
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
motor vehicle in any way?   Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: __________________ (If you don't own a
cell phone, please explain.)

Please check hair color:
Females:   [ ] Blonde  [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple  [ ] Blue  [ ] Skinhead

Please indicate activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that  apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety magazine
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

Please indicate how many times
 a) You expect to shoot at other drivers: _____
 b) How many times you expect to be shot at while  driving: _____

Please indicate your number of therapy sessions per  week: ____
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
 a) Prozac
 b) Zovirax
 c) Lithium
 d) Xanax
 e) Valium
If none, please explain: _______________________________

What is the length of your daily commute?
 a) 1 hour
 b) 2 hours
 c) 3 hours
 d) 4 hours or more

TEST (Please indicate the correct answer):
If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
 a) Call the police to report the crime
 b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on TV in a high-speed chase
 c) Call your attorney and discuss a lawsuit against the cellular phone company for your 911 call not going through
 d) Call your therapist
 e) None of the above (South Central residents only)

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
 a) Stop your car
 b) Keep driving and hope for the best
 c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
 d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4

In the event of rain, you should:
 a) Never drive over 5 MPH
 b) Drive twice as fast as usual
 c) You're not sure what "rain" is

When stopped by police, you should:
 a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
 b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405
 c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit

Please turn your test in to the lady behind the bulletproof virtual window
on your left.