IJMC - Drinking the Sunscreen Song

So, how is our MTV mentality doing today? Do we remember this little 
ditty that for far too long caressed our ears over the lovely radio? Do 
we even remember once thinking that it might be the words of Kurt 
Vonnegut speaking to the MIT graduating class? When, in actuality, it was 
the magnificent prose of a somewhat unbeknownst columnist in Chicago? 
That a media mongul loved it so much he bought the rights to it and put 
his voice to the tape? And we? We ate it up. So, now, grab a cold one, 
mix a tempting tonic, crack that bottle, whatever is your pleasure, and 
relive six months ago...                                            -dave

P.S. Tom, this one is for both you and the night we photographed the lamp




 Drink Alcohol.

 If I could offer you only one tip for the future, alcohol would be it.
 The long-term benefits of alcohol have been consistently misunderstood
 by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
 than my own drunken experience.

 I will dispense this advice now.
 Enjoy the power and beauty of your alcohol tolerance.
 Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your
 alcohol tolerance until it's faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look
 back at photos of yourself puking in a gutter and recall in a way you can't
 grasp now how much alcohol you drank and how fabulous it really was. You
 are not as sick as you imagine.

 Don't worry about where the next beer is coming from.Or worry, but know
 that worrying is as effective as trying to pull a page three model after 15
 pints of Stella. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
 never crossed your drink-addled mind, like the unexpected lack of ale in
 the fridge on some idle Tuesday.

 Drink one thing every day that scares you.

 Sing badly.Be reckless when buying other people drinks.

 Don't put up with people who are reckless when buying yours.

 Gargle.

 Don't waste your time on shandy.

 Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're  behind.
 The race is long, and, in the end, it's only to the bar.

 Make up compliments you received.

 Return the insults.

 If you don't succeed in doing this drink more beer now.

 Keep your old ring pulls. Throw away your old cans.

 Wretch.

 Don't feel guilty if you don't know when you might dry-out in your life.
 The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 when they would sober
 up.

 Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still haven't.

 Get plenty of kebabs.

 Don't be too kind to your liver.
 You'll hardly miss it when it's gone.

 Maybe you'll pull, maybe you won't.
 Maybe you'll get some bird up the duff,
 maybe you won't.
 Maybe you'll enter rehab at 40,
 maybe you'll dance the nude conga at your 75th University Reunion.

 Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate others.

 Your choices are half alcohol influenced. So are everybody else's.

 Enjoy someone else's body.
 Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what the lads
 might think of it.
 It's probably the only time you'll ever pull.

 Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but on the street with a can
 of Special Brew.

 Ignore the directions, don't ever follow them.

 Do not read beauty magazines, just cut out the pictures and put them on
 your wall.

 Get to know your parents. You never know when you'll have to tap them
 for some cash.

 Be nice to your barman. They're your best link to the bar and the
 person most likely to stop you getting your head kicked by a bouncer when
 paralytic in the future.

 Understand that favourite drinks come and go, but with a precious
 flammable few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in strength
 and consistency, because the older you get, the harder it will be to neck
 ales like when you were young.

 Live in London once, but leave before it makes you a ponce.

 Live in Liverpool once, but leave before everything you own gets stolen.

 Dribble.

 Accept certain inalienable truths:
 Beer prices will rise. 
 Bouncers will throw you out. 
 You, too, will get a hangover.

 And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were young,
 prices were reasonable,
 bouncers couldn't catch you,
 and hangovers were NEVER as bad as this.

 Respect alcoholics.

 Don't expect anyone else to buy you a beer.

 Maybe you'll have a huge overdraft. Maybe you'll have a wealthy bird.
 But you never know when either one might stop getting you pi**ed.

 Don't mess too much with alcopops or by the time you're 25 you will look
 like a faggot.

 Be careful whose cheap booze you buy, but be patient with those who
 supply it.
 Cheap booze is a form of rip-off.
 Dispensing it is a way of fishing old stock from the bin, wiping it
 off, painting over the sell-by date and re-selling it for more than it's
 worth.

 But trust me on the alcohol.