IJMC - Sending the Pain Your Way

Ok, a quick mention of where I have been the past week...recovering. 
Seems someone, ok, it was me, threw a party. One of such great magnitude, 
well, ok, it was not *that* great. Nonetheless, it was a good party, with 
many friends, and I think I just caught up on the sleep deprived from the 
party and subsequent aftermath. And of course, one of the things that 
falls by the wayside when I am barely propping my eyelids open with 
toothpicks, well, that would be this list. So, I am back again...and 
catching up...again. Yeehaw, at least there are still a couple bottles of 
good bubbly in the fridge...of course, if I drink those both down in less 
than an hour, well, you probably will not hear from me again for a few 
hours. Ta ta for now!                                               -dave






A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.  He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." 

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  "But why?"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess
Nuts boasting in an open foyer." 

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.  He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. 

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Amal."  The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan."  Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
mom.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are
twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." 

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise the funds.  Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair.  He asked the good fathers to close down, but they
would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him. 
He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business.  They
ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close shop. Terrified, they did so-thereby proving ....that Hugh, and only
Hugh, can prevent florist friars.