IJMC - How To Live Through Another's Pregnancy

Ok, so maybe the title doesn't quite describe what we've got for this 
one. If you read it right though, it's not too far off...these 17 things 
could be used a list of what not to do if you'd like to live to see the 
labor. Great timing for Denis Leary's "Asshole" song to chime in on my 
system...and on that note, I'm going to finish my glass of wine and go 
pass out pleasantly. G'night.                                      -dave





TOP 17 FATAL THINGS TO SAY IF YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT 
 
17. "I finished the Oreos." 
 
16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty
pounds." 
 
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a
baby..!!" 
 
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!" 
 
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl." 
 
12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from
that Richard Simmons fella." 
 
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea.  Boy, that's
gotta hurt." 
 
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!" 
 
9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?" 
 
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?" 
 
7. "Get your *own* ice cream." 
 
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today." 
 
5. "Got milk ?" 
 
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney." 
 
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!" 
 
2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water." 
 
And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant... 
 
1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger........."