IJMC - The Perfect Pet

Some days you just shouldn't get up, but today isn't one of them. Today's 
just one of those days when you wish you could go back to bed even if you 
can't. Oi. I've definately done worse to myself before, but this time's 
kinda close to that. Ahh well, life goes on...and at this point, I think 
I can only feel better. Oi.                                         -dave






A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet 
that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.

The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

The owner says, "How about a cat?"

The man replies, "No way!  A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet 
that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"

The man says, "A centipede?  I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, 
but okay... I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." 
Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All 
the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the 
counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed.  He's 
absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, 
he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture 
cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered. The man 
thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This 
really is a pet that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a
newspaper."

The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later... no centipede. 20 
minutes later... no centipede.  30 minutes later... no centipede. By this 
point the man is wondering what's going on. The centipede should have been 
back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later... still no centipede! He 
can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away?  Did it 
get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? So he goes to the front 
door, opens it ... and there's the centipede sitting right outside.

The man says, "Hey!!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to 
get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm goin'!  I'm goin'!  I'm just puttin' on my shoes!"