IJMC - Questions You May Not Want Answered

Ok, I'll admit it, this one's cheese. Pure, grade A, cheese. It's bad, it 
stinks, but for some reason, you're probably going to read it anyway. I 
don't know why, but that's what I did. It's macabre how it goes. You read 
one, it's bad, you read another. Maybe you hope it will be better. Maybe 
you hope for a truth, some pure, beautiful humor lurking within. Yet even 
when one after another continues to be bad, you still read on, still 
hoping, still wanting, still praying for more. Why? I wish I knew.  -dave




How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam"

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids?

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross and elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree =
would kill you?
A pool table.

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.