IJMC - Stress Reducing Diet

Ladies and gentlemen, what we need in today's day and age is a diet that 
fights not obesity, not high cholesterol, not even fat or sodium. We need 
a diet that helps us reduce the stress found every day! A diet that rises 
to the challenge and reminds our bodies what it feels like to feel 
relaxed after a meal! A diet like this one!                         -dave



  
 

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up
during the day. 

Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
l cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

Rules for this Diet
 1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar
    are canceled out by the diet soda.
 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat
    more than they do.
 4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
    brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
 5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
 6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part
    of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.  
       Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and 
                 Tootsie Rolls.
 7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie
    leakage.
 8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the
    process of preparing something.
 9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
       Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed
                     potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food
    color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories.  This is due to
    gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the
    calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her
    plate.  (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

REMEMBER:  STRESSED  SPELLED  BACKWARDS  IS  DESSERTS !