IJMC - Some Groaners

There just isn't much I can say about these. Yet another post that falls 
into the category of: I had to read it so you do too. A few old ones in 
here, a few new ones in here, a good mix of bad jokes altogether.  -dave









Some silly old chestnuts...

1 . Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a 
fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have 
your kayak and heat it, too.

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood 
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton 
fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became 
known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles 
up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my 
paw."

4. This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in 
his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he 
says,"I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later 
and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's 
with the hubcap?" The waiter says, "Well, there's no plate like chrome 
for the hollandaise."

5. When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

6. A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a 
beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

7. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain 
during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

8. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing 
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about 
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to 
disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. 
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open 
foyer."

9. A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a 
hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, 
and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One 
afternoon, as the end of he work day approached, the bartender was 
dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking 
quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set 
it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip 
of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm 
sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

10. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something 
to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and 
reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion 
quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even 
the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp. 
 
11. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent 
in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would 
win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

12. A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these 
alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; 
then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's 
wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two 
tents."