IJMC - Ms. Right Rejection Letter

We have a bit of a colaboration here...with the bulk of the new text 
provided by a good friend of mine up in Pittsburgh, a couple items tossed 
in through another subscriber, and a few liberal changes of my own (I'll 
openly claim the last one...uhm, hi mom!) I present you with the rebuttal 
to the Mr. Right Rejection Letter. Always better to offend everyone 
possible, right? <grin>                                             -dave





 Ms. Right Rejection Letter

  Dear (__rejectee's name here__),

  I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
  contention as my Ms. Right.

  As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and
  dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make
  the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should I ever get
  dumped and need someone to cry on but not commit to.

  So that you may have more success in your future romantic endeavors, 
  please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified
  from the competition:

  [Check all those that apply]

  ___  Your stomach is bigger than mine.

  ___  I can't pronounce your first name, and didn't even try with your
       last name.

  ___  The fact that every dining experience has to cost me a month's 
       salary reveals an extravagant attitude that I can't afford.

  ___  Your inadvertent admission that you've "never bought condoms" 
       indicates that you may be interested in me for something other
       than sex.

  ___  You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 
       questions  about yourself before you asked me one.

  ___  Your legs are hairier than mine.

  ___  Your "Putting on a few, aren't you, big boy?" comment, given the
       Michelin-Man size of your own thighs, was inappropriate.

  ___  The fact you hinted at commitment on the third date implied that
       you were either very in love or very desperate. The fact that you
       forgot my name -- twice -- suggested the latter.

  ___  You had the audacity to run a credit check on me.

  ___  I find your inability to fix an appetizing meal extroardinarily 
       unappealing.

  ___  You complained about the state of my apartment and then did nothing
       to improve it.

  ___  The phrase "my mother" has come up far too often in conversation.

  ___  You live with your sister, and being too busy helping her take 
       care of her 15 cats to go out on weekends, are slight negatives.

  ___  You mention your ex-husband's name more than you mention mine.

  ___  Your pointing out 2 karat diamond earrings while window shopping,
       on our first date, showed style.

  ___  You bring your two-year-old on dates, and he has better table
       manners.

  ___  One of us makes chipmunk noises during sex, and my voice doesn't go 
       that high.

  ___  Your excess of perfume sends me into convulsions.

  ___  Three final words....Skill. Does. Matter.

 		Sincerely,

		[your name here]