IJMC - Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form

February has begun, you can tell since the male-bashing's already begun. 
I don't understand Valentine's Day...romance and all that...but I've yet 
to hear a good story about a woman providing the romance...just being 
there ain't it. (Hey Cathy, take II...call someone) Anyway, I'm wanting 
someone to take this one and swap it around well for a Mrs. Right 
Rejection letter...one warning though, if you do, I've got the final line 
already done...                                                     -dave




 Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form


  Dear (____rejectee's name here____ ),

  I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
  contention as my Mr. Right.

  As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and 
  dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make 
  the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening 
  become available.  So that you may find better success in your future 
  romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you 
  were disqualified from the competition: 

  [Check all those that apply]

  ___  Your breasts are bigger than mine.

  ___  Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
       hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

  ___  The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at
       McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.

  ___  Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the
       truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for
       something  other than my  personality.

  ___  You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
       about yourself before you asked me one.

  ___  Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,
       then you can't GET into my pants.

  ___  Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the
       9-months pregnant size of Your Own beer gut, was inappropriate.

  ___  You failed the credit check.

  ___  I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

  ___  The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals
       an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

  ___  The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
       conversation.

  ___  You still live with your parents, and attending night classes to
       get your High School dipolma, are slight negatives.

  ___  You mention your ex-wife's name more than you mention mine.

  ___  Your gift of a 2oz. Hershey Bar, with almonds, showed style.

  ___  Three final words....Size. Does. Matter.

                  Sincerely,

                  [Your name here]