IJMC - A Few Jokes

It's almost 5am. Do you have any idea where my brain is? I just got home 
from work...and I'll be back there in less than three hours. Oi. I 
suppose this makes up for the "staff bowling meeting" last Friday. Oh 
well, some good, some not so good. At least the rum is taking effect... 
no more leftover Jello shooters..."Jello. It's not just for kids 
anymore." Take that, Cosby! Oi!                                    -dave





 Yasser Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to
consult a Psychic about the date of his death.
 Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she
finds the answer:
 "You will die on a Jewish holiday."
 "Which one?'" Arafat asks nervously.
 "It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it'll be a
Jewish holiday."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 A man called his mother in Florida. He said to his mother, "How are you
doing?"
 She said, "Not to good. I've been very weak."
 The son then asked, "Why are you so weak?"
 She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
 The son then asked, "How come you haven't eaten in 38 days.?"
 She said, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food when
you called."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 Three guys are about to be executed and they are asked what they wish to
have for their last meal.
 The Italian responds, Peperoni Pizza, which he is served and then
executed.
 The Frenchmen requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and then
executed.
 The Jew requests a plate of strawberries.
  "STRAWBERRIES ????"
 "Yes, Strawberries."
  He is told "But they are out of season !"
 "So, nu,  I'll wait . . . ."

 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing. The Jewish man commented
upon what a wise people the Chinese are.  "Yes," replied the Chinese, "Our
culture is over 4,000 years old. But, you Jews are a very wise people,
too." 

The Jewish man replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old." The
Chinese man was incredulous, "That's impossible," he replied. "Where did
your people eat for a thousand years?

-----------------

A dialogue while Moses is at the top of Sinai....

G:     And remember Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf
 in its mother's milk. It is cruel.
Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat 
 together.

G:     No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.
Moses:     Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we
 should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in
 our stomachs.

G:     No, Moses, what I'm saying is, don't cook a calf in its mother's
 milk!!!
Moses:     Oh, Lord! Please don't strike me down for my stupidity!  What
 you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and a 
 seperate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury that dish 
 outside....

G:     Ah, do whatever you want....