IJMC - From the Bible Belt Straight To You

Sometimes it's great fun to be a liberal guy living in the south. Home of 
the "Bible Belt" and "Southern Mountain Baptists." Tonight's one of those 
nights...I get to send out a little post to taunt them. And if you're a 
fundamentalist yourself, or heavily religious, just pray for my soul or 
something, this is all in the name of fun!                          -dave






YOU MIGHT BE A FUNDAMENTALIST IF...

* You pronounce "sin" with two syllables.

* You enjoy talking to people in King James English.

* You are building your own pulpit for your living room.

* You think hair tonic is Biblical.

* You find June Cleaver attractive.

* You believe Moses should have shaved.

* You have a portrait of Sodom and Gomorrah, the day after they were 
  nuked.

* You pronounce it "Bab-tist."

* You say "Gosh Darn."

* You scrawl Bible verses on the bathroom walls at Stuckeys.

* You thought Back to the Future was a movie about Biblical Prophecy.

* You store tracts in your cellular phone carrying case.

* You can trace Saddam Hussein's genealogy to Nebuchadnezzar.

* You think genuflect is a type of mirror.

* You wish you could preach like Louis Farrakhan.

* You know that unscrambling "Santa" is "Satan."

* You exchange any currency that has three 6's in a row.

* You think credit cards are a tool of the devil to identify you to the
  Anti-Christ.

* You think that bar codes are demonic.

* You think the band K.I.S.S. means Knights in Satan's Service.

* You found back-masking on Amy Grant's albums.

* You think that Gregorian Chants are a tool of the devil

* You think Victoria's Secret is an Illuminati conspiracy.

* You know the writing on the Statue of Liberty's tablet was put there 
  by a Mason, in an Illuminati conspiracy.

* You have a chart of the hidden symbols of the dollar bill.

* You think movies are a tool of the devil.

* You think Pat Robertson was okay till he ran for president.

* You think the guy with the long hair and John 3:16 sign at golf
  tournaments is liberal.

* You think Jerry Falwell is liberal.

* You think Jesus is liberal.

* You think Deviled ham is a conspiracy of the Illumnati.

* You call Israel "the Holy Land."

* You think a modem is a tool of the devil.

* You think Charlton Heston was great in the Ten Commandments ...but you
  repent of watching it because movies are a tool of the devil.

* You pronounce "repent" as "rheeeee-paint!"

* You say Amen more than once an hour.

* You pray so long your food gets cold.

* You argue Pat Buchanan is misunderstood.

* You think Burt Reynolds was great in Smoky and the Bandit ...but you
  repent of watching it because movies are a tool of the devil.

* You have a fish on the back of your car, your boat, your bicycle and 
  your briefcase... you'd get a tattoo, but they're tools of the devil.

* Your wife puts a scripture tract in your lunch.

* You have your name stamped on your 10+ Bibles.

* You know four Greek words for love and their different usages.

* You think Notre Dame football team are all secretly Jesuit priests in 
  an Illuminati conspiracy.

* You name your children after the apostles.

* You become an Amway dealer to evangelize in disguise.

* You like being an Amway dealer.


Hope this put a smile on a few of your beautifully pale faces.