IJMC - Beware of Lectures

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all nationalities, I am proud to 
announce the IJMC archives are almost ready for prime time. Thanks to the 
work of our founder Michael Ivey (he liked the IJMC so much, he's not 
just the President, he's also a member!) the Raw Archive Wastelands are a
little less raw (and a little more waste? Nahh). Stop by the website and 
check them out... http://www.ijmc.com/ ...and tell your friends. Invite 
everyone by, and keep stopping by, they'll get better as we have time to 
improve them. And boy do we have ideas!                             -dave



From: Trev <9737107@ARRAN.SMS.ED.AC.UK@NOSPAM>

All my own work.
_______________________________________________________

Have you ever noticed how lectures, whilst only lasting an hour, seem
to last for at least twice that. This is not just because the lecture
is boring. Time is actually warped in lecture theatres. This is
obvious for a few reasons. 1. The clocks in lecture theatres don't
actually move. If you only look at the clock for a short length of
time then the second hand won't move at all. If you look at the clock
for longer then after about three seconds(depending on when the clock
notices) it will start moving again, although slightly slower then
normal. 2. Sometimes if you look at the clock it will move forwards
for one second and then will instantly move back about half a second.
3. You will notice that the doors to lecture theatres are always
closed. This means that time can be channelled without effecting the
outside world. If the doors are left open then the lecture won't last
half as long, or it wont SEEM to. 

My theory for why this happens is that about three hundred years ago a
group of men realized that by staging a lecture they could live
longer. This was caused by the observers soaking up  the time of the
lecturers. You may notice that the walls of lecture theatres are
shaped to send sound to the audience. This works with time too. This
is the only theory that fits all the facts. It may also explain
amongst other things, Why lecturers are stuck in the fifties, fashion
wise. Why they all have beards, the time rushing into them speeds up
hair growth on the face. Why years pass so quickly. You are using all
of your time in lectures that you would normally use through the day. 
Your lecturers are probably all about two hundred years old.

This isn't the worst part though. The time that you spend in 
lectures is taken out of other places in your life ie. that time you 
set aside in the morning between waking up and getting up.

 You have been warned. The only way to avoid this fate is to avoid 
lectures at all costs, I know it's difficult but it must be done.

Fight on.