IJMC - Gateway Tech Support?

Stay tuned, International Junk Mail Clearinghouse fans, we may have a big 
announcement in a few days...or we may not. I could just be getting your 
hopes up for absolutely nothing. Or something, but then, you won't know 
unless you keep reading! <evil grin>                                -dave







Hello, Hello. I'm sure you are oblivious to who I am, but that's ok. I 
sent in a little ditty about cooking the cheap way. But that was a long 
time ago. I have a new submission. I just started working for a 3rd 
party outsourcer who have an account with Gateway2k (or just "Gateway" 
now) doing tech support for their clients. I tell ya, there are some 
stupid people out there, and they seem to be drawn to us. Go figure. 
Welp, here they are. I only have two right now, but I'll send you more 
as I progress. By the way, do not  include my name, for fear of 
Cincinnati Bell sending out a strike on me. Thanx...

					The unholy Tree


Client: My modem seems to be messing up. I can't dial out at all, and 
        there's a strong smell of urin coming from my CPU.

Tech: Hrm... Let's open up yer case and see what's up in there.

Client: Unscrew... Unscrew... Ohh my gawd! There's a dead rat lying in a 
        puddle of piss on my modem!



Client: Umm, I just got my new system, plugged it in, and now my wall is 
        smoking and sparks are flying from the socket. What should I do?

Tech: Please, sir, disconnect RIGHT NOW and call 911. Your house is on 
      fire!!!


P.S. They're much more funny IRL, and if you can reword them in any way, 
     please feel free. Or just delete the message. But remember, they're 
     real, and theyre documented. Cheers