IJMC - The Viagra Drug Diaries

So, David Duchovny has his "Red Shoe Diaries", I think Gillian Anderson 
should get her own show called, "Viagra Drug Diaries." It would need a 
better plot than this one, but hey, it's a start.                 -dave








Diary Of A Mad Viagra Housewife:

Dear Diary:

  Day 1
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to
celebrate.  When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, HE
locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

  Day 2
Today he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he
says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he
tell me something I DON'T know! I mean, gimme a break.  He's
been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp.

  Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw
a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

  Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that
will fix his "problem."  It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes
Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He said,
"this time, I'd rather not have your mother join us." (I think
this will work. I replaced  his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift
some-thing other than his mood.)

  Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. (No pun intended).
Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a
Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. GET OVER
YOURSELF! Not everything is about you!

  Day 8
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of
mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker.

  Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so
much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with
Hard Cider!  The photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I
gonna do?

  Day 11
The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is
turning blue. The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in
Hamlet and he thought it was The Smurfs Do Denmark.

  Day 12
I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with
Black and Decker.

  Day 13
I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep
saying "fabulous" and still he keeps coming after me!

  Day 14
Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut
my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a
scud missle.  Let's hope he's like President Bush and pulls out in 100
days.

   Day 15
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
started  dressing like a nun. Now he tells me sister Wendy revs
his motor.

  Day 16
I may just have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants
to: stiff.

With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket.