IJMC - Top Ten Signs God Is Appearing On Your TV
So what do you say when people are watching the creation of a nightly
IJMC? Not much other than, "Hi Alyssa, Pete, and Ben." Good night,
Alyssa, Pete, and Ben. No, really, I mean that. G'night. -dave
P.S. I apologize about the advertisement. I kinda felt that I should keep
the original intact, even with the advertisement. Say "g'night dave."
G'night dave.
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March 31, 1998
The Top 16 Signs God is Appearing on Your TV
16> "See Rabbi Schwartz, Father Flanagan, and Master Yogi in a
theological grudge match in the Steel Confessional of Death
in Biblemania XIV!"
15> That "John 3:16" guy at the football game is now holding a
sign saying "Channel 5, right now!"
14> The Weather Channel broadcasting 24-hour a day "Ark Advisory."
13> Bearded guy in the window outside "The Today Show" keeps
sending telepathic messages.
12> NBC starts plugging "THOU SHALT SEE TV"
11> That older gentleman announcing the new "Fig Leaf Policy" on
the Playboy channel ain't Hef.
10> At last, somebody smote those idiotic Mentos commercials!!
9> Guest on Entertainment Tonight squashes James Cameron like
a bug, raises arms and exclaims, "No, *I'm* the king of the
world!"
8> MTV's Vatican Spring Break '98
7> Maximum possible Jeopardy score: $783,200.
Contestant who looks like George Burns: $700,000 and climbing.
6> Flurry of white people sighted on UPN and WB networks.
5> Jerry Springer only gets out the words "Today our topic is..."
before he bursts into flames.
4> For sixth straight day, "Kenny G. live from Branson" cancelled
due to technical difficulties.
3> When Oprah says "My next guest wrote his bestselling book
thousands of years ago, and he hasn't been seen in public
since," she ain't talking about Salinger!
2> Your first two clues? Mohammed as sidekick and Buddha as
bandleader.
and the Number 1 Sign God is Appearing on Your TV...
1> Normally standoffish Amish family from down the street
drops by with a bundt cake and a bottle of Amaretto.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 4
Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 5, 12, 14 (Hat trick!)
Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 5
Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 5
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 6
Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7, RU list name
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Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 9
Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 10, 14
Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA -- 10
Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD -- 11
Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 11
Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 13
Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 14
Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 16
Jennifer Markes, West Hollywood, CA -- Topic
Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Banner Tag
Talking Heads, New York, NY -- Ambience
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
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Ruminations & Ponderances
I once thought that if I had all the money
in the world, I would give some to my friends,
but that would be pretty stupid, because then
I wouldn't have all the money in the world anymore.
(Thanks to Sheryl Adsit)
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