IJMC - It's Great to be a Chick

As promised, if someone sent me a list of 101 reasons why it's great to
be a woman (or "chick", as the author used) then I would post it. Little
did I know that it would take less than 24 hours for someone to produce a
counter-list. Well, tonight's list is dedicated to Jenny Whipple, as it
is her last post because she seems to have trouble seperating humor from
reality. I hope the rest of you enjoy it, and remember, humor helps us
deal with the inequalities in life, it doesn't just propagate the
problems and inequalities. That's our responsibility, not humor's.  -dave

P.S. I have to disagree with #86, I'm looking forward to it...


     101 reasons it's great to be a chick
  
  1. You can say "chick" without getting slapped.
  2. You can talk about men's genitals and not worry about being sued for
     sexual harrassment.
  3. You can always knock off a boss you don't like by suing him for sexual
     harassment.  Then you get his job.
  4. You aren't obliged to wear shorts when it's -30x outside.
  5. Dawson's Creek.
  6. You always know who is sleeping with who.
  7. You never have to "shake it off" after you pee.
  8. If you can't do it yourself, you can always sucker some macho jerk into
     doing it for you.
  9. Old friends don't drink all your beer without asking first.
 10. Dry cleaners and haircutters give you discounts if you smile and wink.
 11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every
     channel that shows some sweaty brute with a ball/puck/stick/car/etc.
 12. You'll get hired instead of the equally qualified male if you shake 
     your ass right.
 13. Multiple orgasms.
 14. What kind of car you drive does not affect your usefulness to the
     opposite sex.
 15. Handsome strangers can't save men because guys in hockey masks don't
     attack them.
 16. You don't have to lug a bag of useless tools around everywhere you go.
 17. If you have insomnia, you can just turn on a baseball game.
 18. If you want to bitch about the slovenly men in your group, just 
     announce you're going to the bathroom and all the women will come 
     with you.
 19. Your age stays put.
 20. You can ease someone else's burden if you just pick up after 
     yourself at restaurants and hotels.
 21. When your work is being criticized, you don't have to panic that your
     penis is somehow too short.
 22. You never have to kill your own food.
 23. The whole house is all yours, except for the garage, but who wants that
     anyways?
 24. You get extra credit for baring your chest.
 25. You see the humor in baseball ("Hey!  He just grabbed that other guy's
     ass!").
 26. Nobody secretly wonders if you know how to perform oral sex.
 27. You never have to talk to anyone when you're peeing.
 28. You always look your best when you go somewhere.
 29. Sex means never worrying about not getting it up.
 30. You can always hire a wedding coordinator.
 31. If you want to give one of your friends the boot, just "forget" to
     invite her somewhere.
 32. Your underwear makes a great topic of discussion.
 33. Men's Diving Championships
 34. It's o.k. to cry in front of people.
 35. You never have to walk around all day with nicks on your cheeks.
 36. Your circulation never suffers when curling up with your significant
     other(s).
 37. If your 34 and single the opposite sex gets hopeful.
 38. You can make snow angels without being considered homosexual.
 39. You get to bitch about stuff, and can always blame it on PMS whenever
     you've been out of line.
 40. No one ever has to know if you get a zit.
 41. Chocolate is a divine release.
 42. You can be First Lady, and lead the president around by the nose.
 43. You can fall asleep on the way back while he's fighting to keep his 
     eyes open, because he refuses to let you drive.
 44. You never have to buy flowers.  If you want to apologize, all you have
     to do is undress.
 45. You never have to worry about getting him off.
 46. You don't have to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
 47. You can wear a bikini top to a water park.
 48. You can wear your jeans twice and not have to worry that they're going
     to smell like "fromunda cheese".
 49. You never have to go into a hardware store.
 50. You can undress in front of your friends and not worry that they'll
     think you're gay.
 51. Foreplay is not a chore.
 52. Monica Lewinsky's sex appeal or lack thereof is never a topic of
     discussion between you and your friends.
 53. No man will tell a bad joke when you're around.
 54. You can wear short shorts on a hot day without people thinking you're
     gay.
 55. No one thinks your apartment is a pigsty. 
 56. If you're jealous, you can stop a pal from getting laid.
 57. You never need to go to a car mechanic; that's why you keep a man
     around.
 58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new tires.
 59. You never have to watch a game with your buddy when you'd rather be
     doing something else.
 60. No one in the world will ever, ever see you pee.
 61. You can always sucker a man into apologizing, buying you flowers, and
     taking you out to dinner, if you let him think you're convinced he's
     going to leave you.
 62. You don't have to jump up and slap stuff to convince your friends of
     your verdant sexuality.
 63. You never have to wear a condom.
 64. You can read him like a book.
 65. You can hate every actress prettier than you, and justify it by saying,
     "Do you know how many directors she slept with to get that part?"
 66. You can make him get out and fill the tank up when you pull into a gas
     station.
 67. You get to watch him make a fool of himself opening a beer bottle.
 68. You can sit cross legged.
 69. If you want a raise, all you have to do is wink at your boss.
 70. Gray hair and wrinkles are only temporary for you.
 71. No one has to watch you make an emergency crotch adjustment.
 72. You have his credit card to pay for your $2000 wedding dress.
 73. You get to make a fuss when someone is talking about you behind your
     back.
 74. No one has to ever know whether you masturbate or not.
 75. You always get some if your friend has a dessert you want.
 76. You've got Midol.
 77. If you want to force him to do something, just take the remote away and
     threaten not to give it back.
 78. In case you dont know what you're takling about, and dont want him to
     notice, just stick your chest out and he won't hear a word of what 
     bullshit you're spouting off.
 79. American Movie Classics.
 80. You always get a little gift whenever anyone comes to see you.
 81. Men have no idea what we REALLY do during bridal showers.... and 
     you can see a male stripper's genitals, and you can touch them 
     without being sued, or considered uncouth.
 82. You don't have to talk about cars to have a good relationship with your
     dad.
 83. If the two of you don't have any condoms, you can just say, "Oh well.
     Maybe next time."
 84. You can pretend you're "freshening up" when you have to go to the
     bathroom.
 85. If you want to get rid of one of your friends, don't call her when you
     say you will.
 86. You'll never be a dirty old man.
 87. You never have to argue your case if you don't want to;  you can always
     just cross your arms and glare.
 88. If another girl shows up at the party in the same outfit, you can
     humiliate her.
 89. You can pretend you didn't hate Princess Di by cooing over her death.
 90. If you belch out loud, the opposite sex thinks you're cool.
 91. You can have sex whenever you want to, and never when you don't.
 92. You don't wince and the mention of John Wayne Bobbitt.  You can even
     laugh about it.
 93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can make him fix it.
 94. New jeans don't chafe your genitals.
 95. All the good movies are designed with you in mind.
 96. None of your friends forgets your birthday.
 98. You can always trap your pals with: "So... notice anything different?"
 99. Leonardo DiCaprio
100. It's ok to be bisexual.
101. When you want it, you don't have to worry about getting any.