IJMC - The Military Christmas Spec

Some days, I wonder why I bothered to wake up. Other days, I wonder why 
the sun bothered to get up before me. Wanna guess which kinda day today 
is? Oh well, in about 32 hours I can sleep again. Two hours to New York, 
then five hours layover, then ten and a half hours to Egypt. Assuming we 
don't fly over Baghdad that is...                                  -dave






  Subject: Fw: FW: Official visit of LTG S. Claus

1. An official staff visit by LTG Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec
1998. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel
during the visit. 

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant
officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for
necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer
stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and
Policy Office. 

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200
hours, 24 December 1998. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, Cotton,
Light-Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear
flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply
room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their
personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131,
for all missing items. Remember, this is the "Season of Giving." 

c. Personnel will utilize standard MRE sugarplums for visions to dance
through their heads. Sugarplums are available in MRE sundry packs and
should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure
maximum visions are experienced. 

d. Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole, will be hung by the chimneys with care.
Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by
carelessly hung stockings. 1SG's will submit stocking handling plans to
S-3, Training prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All leaders will ensure their
subordinate personnel are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking
hanging. 

e. At first notice of clatter, all personnel will spring from their beds
to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to
tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order, OPLAN
980701 (North Pole), para 6-8 (c)(3), dated 4 March 1998, this office,
takes effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. SDO and all
CQs will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that
no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in Bldg 9828 prior to the start of
official clatter. 

f. Prior to 0001 hrs, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard
Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be
assigned "wandering eyeball" stations. The SDNCO will ensure that these
stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are
thrown. 

g. The Battalion S-4, in coordination with the National Security Agency
and the Motor Pool will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24 and eight
reindeer, tiny, for use by LTG Claus. The assigned driver must have a
current sleigh operator's license with roof top permit and evidence of
attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his DA Form 348. Driver
must also be able to clearly shout "On Dancer, On Prancer, etc." 

2. LTG Claus will initially enter Bldg 9828 through the dayroom.  All
offices without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M6A2 for use during
the visit. Draw chimney simulator on DA Form 2765-1 which will be
submitted in four copies to the S-4 prior to 23 Dec 1998. Personnel will
ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion
of visit. 

3. Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of "Merry Christmas and
Happy New Year" or, at the discretion of the NCOIC, "Merry Christmas To
All and To All a Good Night." This shout will be given upon termination of
the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of each section
NCOIC. 

 I. B. DERE
 LTC, MI
 Commanding