IJMC - Children of the Eighties...Don't Read This

I grew up with Sesame Street. I don't want to even have to consider if 
any of these might happen. Whatever happenned to that kindler, gentler 
time we were moving into. Did the world just decide to go take a wild 
leap and do this to, of all shows, Sesame Street? Say it isn't so, Mr. 
Snuffeluffagus!                                                  -dave

P.S. Ok, I kinda like #12-14, and #1, but the rest hurt. Poor Ernie.




Top Twenty Changes They're Making To Sesame Street

20. Ross Perot buys neighborhood and moves it to Texas.
19. In a very special episode, Grover develops a severe case of static cling.
18. Instead of the letter "H," show now brought to you by Heineken.
17. Oscar the Grouch has new roommate in garbage can: Fat Tony the Mob Corpse.
16. Bert dumps Ernie for a Cuban massage therapist named Rico.
15. Bill Gates guest stars to teach kids the number 55 billion.
14. You know that purple Vampire?  He and Buffy have daily fight to the death.
13. Newest furry creature -- Willie Nelson.
12. Big Bird launches rap career, then changes name to Notorious B.I.G.B.I.R.D.
11. Goodbye Jimmy Smits -- hello Rick Schroeder!
10. Guy Smiley will admit to an "improper relationship" with a 20 year-old
    intern.
9.  Mr. Hooper joins the Crips, ventures into Neighborhood of Make-Believe to
    beat the crap out of Mr. Rogers.
8.  Publicity drive to calm viewer concern: "Is Kermit Too Thin?"
7.  Alphabet Song downsized to more manageable 13 letters.
6.  Elmo teaches kids how to check their prostates at the dinner table.
5.  We follow Mr. Snuffeluffagus's year-long experience with electrolysis.
4.  The letter "D" goes nuts and kills four drifters.
3.  "The Count" being replaced with faster Pentium chip.
2.  Controversial new theme song: "Cheat, cheat, cheat!!  Homework's for
    sissies!!"
1.  Cookie Monster now on strict macrobiotic diet.