IJMC - A Female's Adjustments to Webster's

It's six am in the morning. Do you know where my brain is? Unfortunately, 
neither do I. There's something just wrong about waking up before the sun 
has to. If I have to be awake, the sun should too!                  -dave








Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized
it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n 
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced
the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made
the dinner." 

Blonde jokes (blond jokes) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n
Gotta get married in a church.

Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your
hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of
peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to
the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to
duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
Similar to a black hole in space---if he goes in, he isn't coming out
anytime soon.  See "Computer Store."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth.  On his
collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck."  After
children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.  See
also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try
to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and
romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.