IJMC - Truths Learned in Childhood

Well, I decided to change the tempo just a bit. I'm going to be in the 
mountains tomorrow night...so, three tonight, three Sunday night, then 
back to one a day. That's going to be nice...the submissions queue is 
down to less than a month's worth! Nah, just gonna be nice only doing one 
a night...again.                                                    -dave






GREAT TRUTHS LEARNED IN CHILDHOOD:
* No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
* When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
* If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second
  person.
* Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
* You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
* Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
* Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
* Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
* School lunches stick to the wall.
* You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
* Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
* The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
* It's hard to unlearn a bad word.
* Ask Why until you understand.
* It's easier to see the mistakes on someone else's paper.
* A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen.
* It's only fun to play school when you're the teacher.
* Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.
* Twelve is a lot older than eight.
* Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers.
* Some nights it's not worth fighting over who gets the top bunk.
* Don't expect your friends to be as excited about your "100" as you are.
* Don't say that the "Last One is a Rotten Egg" unless you're absolutely
  sure there's a slow kid behind you.
* If you don't like the birthday girl, don't go to the party.
* Crawling still gets you there.
* If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
* Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.
* You can't start over just because you're losing the game.
* When you're dressed up like a princess, it's easier to act like one.
* If a tree had apples last year, don't expect pears this year.
* One drop of black paint from the brush clouds the whole cup of water.
* You can't be everyone's best friend.
* A snow day is more fun than a vacation day.
* All libraries smell the same.
* Say grace.
* If you want someone to listen to you, whisper it.
* Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying.
* Silence can be an answer.
* Ask where things come from.
* If you throw a ball at someone, they'll probably throw it back.
* Don't nod on the phone.