IJMC - Things That Go Splat In The Night

What does this title have to do with the post? Well, it's the title of 
the calendar page for Monday, August 24, 1998...the page suggests you go 
to http://www.cisnet.com/~paintsphere for things that well, go splat in 
the night...and the day. Your call. I'm going to bed now. And then work 
tomorrow. Is that what growing up is all about? Realizing that the bottle 
you drank tonight will remind you tomorrow that you shouldn't have 
finished the whole thing? (and don't ask how many times I re-wrote this 
blurb just to get it write...I think I got the letters straight now... 
but don't remind me if I didn't...)                                 -dave


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(Transcribed without permission from the Washington Post, July 30, 1995.) 

In which we asked you to come up with useless products: 

4th Runner-Up: Cream of Mushroom Slurpee 
3rd Runner-Up: Seeing-eye giraffes 
2nd Runner-Up: The Popeil Pocket Wasp & Hornet Teaser 

And the winner of the nesting Russian dolls: New lemon yellow Ty-D-Bowl 


Honorable Mentions: 

Lobster Helper 
"Welcome Home Kamikaze" banners 
Purina Roach Chow 
Miss Manners' Guide to Prison Etiquette 
Mobius toilet paper 
Frog arms platter 
Birthday candle snuffers 
Nuclear hand grenades 
Snooze bar on a fire alarm: 
Sweet and Sour Maalox 
Wild rat feeder 
Hamburger Helper Helper 
Car alarms for Yugos 
Refrigerator tacks 
Inflatable dartboard 
Chutney-flavored condoms 
Tuna-safe dolphin packed in oil 
A light on the outside of the refrigerator to indicate when the light on 
 the inside of the refrigerator is off. 
Scrabble, special dyslexics' edition 
Intermittent headlights 
Nymphomaniac Repellent 
Vibrating bedpan 
Roach Motel art 
Bird laxative 
Female pope fashions 
Silicone thigh implants 
Salted bandages 
Kosher communion wafers 
Ankle watch 
Transparent colostomy bag 
Can-opener-in-a-can 
Corn niblet holders