IJMC - More Dumb Men Jokes

One in the series of dumb men jokes...it seems women have found a vocal 
point in the Internet...ahh well, at least it means there are female 
geeks out there to be found! This and Kathy Ireland on VH-1 at night keep 
me awake, can't you tell?                                           -dave

Day 7, Headache Dave. It's teasing me now, not quite gone but giving me hope.




More Dumb Men Jokes

1.  What are three little words you'll never hear a man say?
	"I'll get it"

2. What are three little words you'll never hear a man say?
	"It's my turn."

3. What are three little words you'll never hear a man say?
	"Can I help?"

4.  What do you call a man with a vasectomy?
	A humanitarian.

5.  What's the difference between an attractive woman and a proctologist?
	A proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

6.  What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?
	Gifted.

7.  How long can a man live without a brain?
	Depends.  How old's your husband?

8.  What does a man say after his third orgasm?
	"Don't you guys believe me?"

9.  Why are blonde jokes so short?
	So men can remember them.

10.  what do men and beer bottles have in common?
	They're both empty from the neck up.

11.  Why is it important for a woman to look her best?
	Because plenty of men are stupid, but few of them are blind.

12.  Why do men have bigger brains than dogs?
	So they won't hump your leg at a cocktail party.

13.  Why do men think sex is like air?
	It's no big deal unless you aren't getting any.

14.  Do you know what it means to come home to a man who'll give you a
     little love, a little affection, a little tenderness?
	It means you're in the wrong house.

15.  What's the difference between a man & a whale?
	Whales mate for life.

16.  What's the difference between a man and yogurt?
	Yogurt has culture.

17.  "Well, he's obviously a sincere man," said the first woman.
	"How can you tell?"
	"Who would pretend to act like an asshole?"

18.  How can you tell when a man is lying?
	His lips move.

19.  Why will there be a rash of divorces in about 15 years?
	Because that's how long it will take for most husbands to get most of
        these jokes.

20.  What do you call a woman who works for a man?
	The victim.

21.  Why are dogs better than men?
	If you get sick of a dog, you can always have it put to sleep.

22.  What's a man's idea of a seven-course meal?
	Pizza and a six-pack.

23.  How do you force a man to do sit-ups?
	Put the remote control between his legs.

24.  Why do men have such big nostrils?
	Just look at the size of their fingers.

25.  Why did God create man?
	He couldn't teach gorillas how to mow the lawn.

26.  Why do men watch football?
	Because it would be boring to talk about sex all the time.

27.  What's the difference between a man and a cat?
	One is a finicky eater who couldn't care less if you lived or died; the
        other is a house pet.

28.  Why do men always have stupid grins on their faces?
	They're stupid.

29.  What's the definition of a bad date?
	He excuses himself to go call the "little woman."

30.  Why do men call their wives "the little woman"?
	"What?? You expect me to remember her name?"

31.  If men had PMS... who could tell?

32.  What's the difference between a man and childbirth?
	One is an excruciating, painful, unbearable experience; the other is
        just having a baby.

33.  Why do men drive pickup trucks?
	So they'll have somewhere to put the empties.

34.  What has eight legs and an IQ of 40?
	Four guys watching football.

35.  How can you kill a man?
	Put a blonde and a pickup truck in front of him and tell him he can
        pick one.

36.  What does a man say after sex?
	Who cares?

36.  What are four little words you'll never hear a man say?
	"I did the dishes"

37.  How can you tell if a man is horny?
	He's awake.

38.  Why do men get married.
	Because Mom won't put up with their shit anymore.

39.  What's the difference between a man and a sports car?
	you see alot of cute sports cars.

40.  What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?
	"Stand back!  I don't know how big this thing gets."

41.  Why do I need a husband? I already have a dog that growls every 
     morning, a parrot that swears every afternoon, and a cat that 
     comes home late at night.

42.  Why are beer cans so easy to open?
	Look who's drinking them.

43.  No wonder men are so unhappy being men...
	There is so little chance for advancement.

44.  Why do men act like such morons?
	Who says they're acting?

45.  What's the soft, fleshy tissue that surrounds a penis.
	A man.

46.  The rule with no exceptions:
	If it has tires or testicles, it'll be trouble.

47.  Why would someone who thinks doing laundry is complicated think I need
     help buying a car?

48.  "Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the
     concept of an inch equalling a hundred miles."

49.  Why don't men make ice cubes?
	They can't find the recipe.

50.  Only God can make a tree, but it took a man to invent dwarf-tossing.

51.  What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man?
	An oxymoron.

52.  How do men define a long-term relationship?
	A second date.

53.  What do you call a man who complains all day, watches sports all night
     and sleeps away his weekends?
	Normal.

54.  How many men does it take to change a mind?
	None.  Once their minds are made up they never change.  

55.  What's the difference between a wise man and a dumb amn?
	Absolutely nothing.  They both think they know everything.

56.  What do you call a man who gets his on beer between innings?
	Athletic.

57.  What's the difference between men and chimpanzees?
	One is hairy, smelly, and picks his butt; the other can be taught to
        communicate with human beings.