IJMC - Let's All Not Raise Hogs!

   Since tonight's theme seems to have become Governmental Stupidity, 
enjoy this letter (supposedly true, someone wanna call the paper in 
question?) about "not raising hogs?"		                -dave





Dear Sir (or Madam):

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Ute, Iowa, received a check for
$1000.00 from the government for not raising 50 hogs. So, I want
to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of
farm not to raise hogs on, and what kind is the best breed of hogs
not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in
keeping with all the government policies. I would very much prefer
not to raise Razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to
raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an
accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't riased.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business.
He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he
ever made on them was $422.00 in 1971, and this is until this year
when he received your check for $1000 for not raising 50 hogs.

If I get $1000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not
raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first,
holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will bring
in about $80,000.00 the first year. Then I can afford that airplane
I've been wanting.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat about 100,000
bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising
corn. Will I qualify for payments for not raising any corn to feed
the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send
me any information your department has on this program, too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally
unemployed and will qualify for unemployment compensation and food
stamps.

Be most assured that you and the President will have my vote in the
coming election.

 Patriotically yours,
Just Waiting In Iowa

PS Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more
surplus cheese?

                  -Originally printed in the Herbal Spotlight
                   (Hubble Hill Herbs, PO Box 2083, Loveland, CO 80539)