IJMC - FratSpeak 101
Wow. When did fraternities find the intelligence to develop their own
language? Hell, when did they learn to speak past "beer!" and "wooman!"?
Ok, not one of my favorite groups, but not as bad as some... -dave
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The
Fraternity-English Dictionary
POPULAR FRAT TERMINOLOGY
In Fraternity In English
CONFRONTATION:
* "I'll kick your ass! * "I'm gonna get about 20 of my
frat buddies together and we're
gonna wield bats and hope we can
catch you asleep under a tree
so we can beat you up!"
* "I've never lost a fight." * "I've never been in a fight."
* "I'm about to introduce you to * "I'm gonna pay a football player
a work of pain." to beat you up."
* "Surely we can talk this out like * "Not the face! Not the face!"
rational human beings."
* "I believe in a fair fight." * "We'll start the fight when my
back up arrives."
EDUCATION:
* "By taking the initiative to go * "I'm here for beer in sex, in no
on to a university and further my particular order."
education, I hope to broaden my
horizons, open new eployment
oppurtunities, and be a better
person on the whole."
MEETING WOMEN:
* "Hello, may I buy you a drink?" * "How much alcohol does it take
to get you in bed?"
* "Would you like to dance?" * "Please give me a reason to touch
you."
* "I think men should be more * "It really pisses me off when
responsive to the needs of chicks don't swallow."
women."
* "That's a very interesting * "That's a very interesting name
name you have." you have. Of course, in five
minutes, I'll be so absorbed by
alcohol and staring at your chest
that I won't remember it."
* "Would you like to go back to * "Let's go back to my places where
my place?" I can paw at you, get slapped,
and later brag to all my frat
brothers about what an easy lay
you were, destroying any chance
at respectability you have."
* "I'd like to get to know you * "Take off your bra."
better."
RELIGION:
* "I respect Christianity. Jesus * "Anyone who turns water to
was a great man, full of love wine can't be all bad."
and patience. The hate he had
to endure, and yet he still
loved us all. He truly was the
Son of God."
SEXUAL SITUATIONS & RELATIONS:
* "I respect you for your decision * "Damn it, I paid for your dinner.
of abstenance." Now put out!"
* "Of course I'll respect you in * "Respect you in the morning? I
the morning." can't even remember your name
tonight!"
* "I want you to know I don't do * "Looks like I get another notch
this with just anyone." on the ol' belt. Three more and
my frat pals throw a kegger in my
honor."
* "Despite our differences, I'm * "You're ugly, but I don't wanna
still willing to make a go at look at you. Just f**k you."
a relationship."
* "I love you." * "God I hope I wasn't stupid
enough to give you my real
phone number."
SOCIAL ISSUES:
* "I totally agree with your * "Just because I can't make you
stance and am angered how my sit at the back of the bus does
race has oppressed you for so not mean I have to like you."
long."
* "The plight of your people is * "I hate you [insert appropriate
truly an awe-inspiring tale." racial slur here]."
* "I want you to know that despite * "Please don't mug me."
our color differences, I think of
you as a brother."
* "Not enough people take birth * "So what if it IS my kid, I don't
control seriously." see how it's my problem."
* "But the problems with condoms * "No way in hell am I putting
is you still run the 20%+ chance something that looks like a
of it rupturing during sex." party balloon on my dick."
* "Something needs to be done about * "Can't we shoot them or
the homeless problem in our something?"
country."
* "It breaks my heart to think * "Better him than me."
somewhere in the world, a small
child will go to bed without his
dinner again tonight."
COMMON FRAT VOCABULARY
In English In Fraternity
Woman Bitch
Holy Water Beer
God Beer
Someone who can help me Friend
get what I need, be
there when I need to use
them and never asks for
favors in return
Someone who can be in no Asshole
way exploited.
Art school student <when Fairy
in company of other frats>
Art school student <when Master of the
alone & surrounded by Visual Arts
other art school students)
Checking Account/Loan Officer Daddy
Girlfriend Guaranteed Sex
Janitor Most probable
post-college
job
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