IJMC Birth Control and Dizzy Cats

                IJMC - Birth Control and Dizzy Cats

What do those two items have in common? Not a whole lot, except for the
latter can provide a persuasive reason for the former. No clue how? Then
read on. I go to sleep now...tomorrow I play with archive scripts. Who
knows, by the end of the day, the archive might actually be up to date
again, instead of a couple years old...then again, the archives might all
write to one file and disappear forever. Nahh.                      -dave

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control....

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.


1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4
inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
rollerblades, they can ignite.

3. A three-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20-by-20 foot room.

5. When the ceiling fan is on, you have to throw a baseball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass
can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10.  Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a

11. "Play-Doh" and "Microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.

12.  SuperGlue is forever.

13.  No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

IJMC June 2001 Archives