IJMC Archives

July 2001
                      IJMC - How Not to be Shot

In this post we hope to show how not to be shot. This is Mr. Smith of
Melrose Court, White Mouse Road, Los Angeles 90210. He can not be shot.
Now I am going to ask him to wave a gun. Mr. Smith will you wave a gun

(In the distance Mr Smith waves a gun. There is a loud gunshot as Mr Smith
is shot in the stomach. He crumples to the ground.)

This demonstrates the value of not being shot.                       -dave

P.S. I am thinking about pistachio ice cream...

5 Steps to Avoid Being Shot by the Police
by Cheri Lewis, Deputy DA - Los Angeles, California 

This should be posted at the shallow end of the gene Pool...

"I've devised a five point plan to help citizens avoid being shot by
police.  This plan may not prevent all shootings, but very few will take
place when the plan is rigorously adhered to.  So, here are the rules:

1.  DON'T COMMIT VIOLENT CRIMES. I know this seems elementary, but this
rule is lost on many.  They do the crime, get shot, and then wonder how it
could possibly happen.  They whine that it is so unfair.  Well, Slick,
violent crime, like jumping in front of moving cars, is just a high risk
occupation, and, in case you missed committing violent crimes make police
officers think you may not be a good person.

2.  If you ignore rule No. 1, and the police do confront you, DON'T RUN
AWAY FROM THEM. I know it's hard to believe, but that may make them think
you're guilty of something. Hiding in bushes or closets makes some cops
(mostly older ones) very nervous. They might even foolishly conclude that
you're up to no good!

3.  If you disregard rules 1 and 2, and the cops catch up with you anyway
and inform you that you are under arrest, DON'T MAKE FAST MOVEMENTS WITH
YOUR HANDS. I know it sounds silly, but grabbing a shiny beer can, a dark
colored wallet, or one of those snazzy and real looking replica guns may
make police officers mistakenly believe that you are about to hurt them.

4.  If you disregard rules 1, 2, and 3, and manage to get what looks like
a deadly weapon into your hands, DON'T POINT IT AT THE COPS. We all know
that you're basically a nice person, but that may be lost on the police
officers confronting you.  In their paranoia, they may even believe they
need to protect themselves.

5.  If you disregard rules 1, 2, 3, and 4, DON'T BE ASTONISHED IF THE COPS
preoccupied to realize that you're normally a splendid person and that
you're just having a bad day.  They may be too preoccupied to see that
when you point a weapon at them in a threatening manner, it is just your
way of crying out for help. We both know that the whole problem can be
traced to the fact that your mother didn't breast feed you, but some
police officers are so cynical they just don't see it.

So, there you have it.  If you really apply yourself and obey even some of
the rules listed above, I bet you'll avoid the vast majority of police

Cheri Lewis
Deputy DA
Los Angeles, California


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