IJMC - Start From the Top and Work Your Way Down

I think this batch of one-liners starts bad at the top and then just 
continues rolling right along. Kind of like most of my blurbs, eh? So, 
this has been a good weekend...got lots and lots and lots of sleep. Three 
nights in a row of more than 12 hours naps. I like. Shame I have to 
return to work tomorrow...gotta set an alarm. Oh well...I guess I like to 
be paid more than I like to be asleep.                              -dave





They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.

A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

The statement below is true.

The statement above is false.

I don't have a license to kill but I do have a learner's permit.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

Time is fun when you're having flies... Kermit 

Red meat is not bad for you.
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Toilet stolen from police station. Cops have nothing to go on.

If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met
everybody.

All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat though.

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.

Here I am!!! What are your other two wishes?

Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.

Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.

Gun Control: Use both hands.

[ed note. or... -dave]

Gun control is learning to hit your target.

[ed note. back to the regularly scheduled carnage -dave]

Remember: First you pillage then you burn.

To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Half the people in the world are below average.

Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Strip mining prevents forest fires.

I'm pretty sure that sex is better than logic but I can't prove it.

Arkansas State Motto: Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Laugh 

A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times
more memory! 

If a thing is worth doing wouldn't it have been done already?

If we weren't meant to eat animals why are they made of meat?

Ham and Eggs. Just a day's work for a chicken but a lifetime commitment
for a pig.