IJMC - You Know You're in Phoenix
I remember hearing things about 100 degrees in the shade. I stayed away
from Phoenix. After reading this, I think I was correct to do so. If you
have not yet guessed, I am back home and things are back to normal. Still
single and still not understanding women. However, my grandmother had a
great 85th birthday so I think all is well in the wash. -dave
You know you're in Phoenix when....
* You buy salsa by the quart.
* Your Christmas decorations includes a half a yard of sand and 100
* You think that a red light is merely a suggestion.
* You wish you bought stock in the orange barrel business.
* All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but
clear out come the end of April.
* You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
* Most of the restaurants in your town have the first name "El" or
* You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
* You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't
remember the name of the incumbent.
* You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
* Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
* You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.
* You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
* You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt
* You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
* You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
* Every other vehicle is a 4X4
* You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over 100
* Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
* You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.
* People break out coats when temperature drops below 70.
* You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
* The pool can be warmer than you are.
* You can make sun tea instantly.
* You can admit in a crowd that you voted for Nixon and would again and
most of them will nod in agreement.
* People will drive over a hundred miles just to see snow.
* You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use
* Most people will not drink tap water unless they are under dire
* Most homes will have more firearms then people.
* Kids will ask "What's a mosquito?".
* People with black cars or have black upholstery in their car are
automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.
* You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
* The AC is on your list of best friends.
* Monday Night Football starts at 7:00 instead of 9:00
* You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
* You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
* Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
* You can (correctly) pronounce the words: "Saguaro", "Tempe", "Gila
Bend", "San Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim",
"Cholla", and Ajo.
* It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is
moving on the streets.
* You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
* Sun screen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout
counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to
go to Circle K.
* Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will
actually buy them.
* Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than
the air inside.
* No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.