IJMC - I Need This Watch

As some of you know, the past month has not been my finest. Some of the 
longtime subscribers know that a long hiatus often means something is not 
quite right in my world. Let me suffice it to say that a 
hyper-intelligent, telepathic watch could solve my problems. I am young 
yet, a lot of life left to live and a lot of lessons still to learn. 
Knowing that does not make the trials any easier although it does help me 
to remember to continue and deal with each new thing that crosses my 
life. I hope the measure of my life holds up in the end, for I have 
little other to judge myself by. Have a good weekend, everyone.     -dave


  A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very
  attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at
  his watch for a moment.
 
  The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
 
  "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was
  just testing it."
 
  The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special
  about it?"
 
  "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
 
  "What's it telling you now?"
 
  "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
 
  The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I
  am wearing panties!"
 
  The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."