IJMC Know Your Driving Geography

                  IJMC - Know Your Driving Geography

I am not sure if I ever mentioned this before, but the only time I ever 
felt comfortable driving in Boston was the time I was driving one of 
those big U-Haul trucks. I was still unsure whether I would hit anything, 
but at least I knew whatever I hit would take more damage...now do not 
even get me started on Chicago...especially parking decks in the windy 
city...that is a whole 'nother ballgame!                            -dave

How to Identify the Driver's Home: 

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York

One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator:

One hand on wheel, one hand in pants, cradling cell phone, brick on
accelerator: California* 
*with gun in lap: L.A. 

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: 
Ohio, but driving in California. 

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
talk to someone in back seat: Italy

One hand on Latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake,
mind on game: Seattle

One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both
feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds
bag out the window: Texas city male

One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily
at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind
curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country

One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different
angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail
to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle
steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle
in the glove compartment: Texas female

Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly
checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their
own or another's car: Colorado

One hand on steering, yelling obscenities, the other hand a waving gun out
the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks
along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that
didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on
spotting a car with Texas plates. 

IJMC November 1999 Archives