IJMC - It is Monday, Right?

Some days you shouldn't even bother falling out of the hammock. 
Especially when it's still six am and you didn't go to sleep until 
somewhere after midnight...and your alarm's still set for another three 
hours later. Soooo, I woke up and started working. Which was good 
although it's been a long day. A good day, but a Monday. So tech support 
jokes seem quite appropriate to send out now...                    -dave





agh. more tech support jokes..
(these are all true)

Student : THIS BLOODY PRINTER WONT PRINT! 
Technician : That's because it's a scanner! 

Customer: 'OH!! You mean I need a modem *and* a computer to get on the 
internet?!' 

Customer: Hello, I've just faxed you some important papers. Did they get 
through all right? 
Tech: No ma'am, I'm sorry, we haven't received any faxes in the last half 
hour. 
Customer: Well, make sure I'm doing this right. Walk me through the 
procedure. 
Tech: Well, insert the paper into the fax machine and press SEND, then-- 
Customer: What fax machine? 

'One woman called a customer service number and said she always got a busy 
signal when her computer called the modem pool. She kept on calling , 
complaining about busy signals. Finally, we decided to clue her in on an 
experimental number that pointed to a few new-at-the-time 14.4-Kbps modems. 
But she insisted, 'No, I can't put in that number; I have to put in my home 
phone number.' No amount of reasoning could get her to understand that the 
computer at her home had to call the number of the modem at her service 
provider. Last we heard, she remained unconvinced, calling herself and 
complaining about the busy signals.

Lady calls claiming to be a new member. Nothing under the screen name she 
gave, nada under phone num...zilch under her name...I resorted to the credit 
card num... ZIP... nothing. I asked how long she'd been a member, she said a 
few days. Finally, I asked her if she's SURE it was AMERICA ONLINE she signed 
up for...and she said, 'yeah...well it's called E-World on my computer, 
though.' 

Tech: Gateway 2000 Technical Support, this is Paul speaking. 
Customer: My computer doesn't work. 
Tech: What's wrong with it? 
Customer: I don't know! I'm turning the key but nothing happens! 
Tech: Ma'am, can you hold for a second, I have to check something. 
---During the hold I laugh profusely.--- 
Tech: OK, I think I found your problem. You have to push the button that says 
'power' right above it. 
Customer: Nothing happened. 
Tech: Do you have it plugged in? 
Customer: You mean you have to plug these things in?! This is going to bring 
my electricity bill way up! 
Customer's husband (in background): I told you those things were more 
expensive than just the price to buy one! 

Tech: Well, ma'am there is nothing to be afraid of. It's a disk for your 
computer. 
Customer: Well, I don't have a computer. The directions say 'install and 
run'. I'm to old to run. 
Tech: Ma'am could you please hold? (screams with laughter) 
Tech: Ma'am I can insure you that you are OK. 
Customer: OK. Should I call the police? 
Tech: No, ma'am, just throw it away. 
Customer: Well, there is a silver thing that slides across and it clicks. 
What is that? 
Tech: It is safe to throw it away. It's for a computer, OK? 
Customer: But is this a bomb? 
Tech: No, ma'am, just throw it away. 
Customer: Now? 
Tech: Yes, if you like. 
Customer: Son, you saved my life! Thank you and have a nice day.

Tech Support: Please press zero on the keyboard, then press . 
User: Zero? Uh, do you mean, zero the letter, or zero the number? 

Man: 'Uh, I'm trying to send e-mail to my daughter and she's not receiving 
it...' 
Tech: 'Okay, sir, what is her e-mail address?' 
Man: 'I don't know... she doesn't even have a computer...can't I send it to 
her post office?'