IJMC - English is English, Right?

Ok, I'm done with these for the night...I'm a bit behind for covering the 
time I'll be gone, but my poor server may take that much time to catch up 
anyway. So, I'll have a few more when I get back...probably two a night 
for two nights. Have a great week, cause I'm outta here.            -dave







I thought that this captured enough truth that it really had to be
passed on.  It was written by a Dutch post-doc in the same group as
one of my friends.  I guess geophysicists do notice more than just the
prevailing geology...

Matt

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Have you ever been confronted with "Canadians are just like Americans. 
What's the difference?" Here are *some* answers. This is not a 
put-down of Americans, Brits, or Canadians; just a series of 
observations.
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Aussies:  Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. 
Canadians:Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when
          abroad. 
Americans:Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. 
Brits:    Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad. 


Aussies:  Believe you should look out for your mates. 
Brits:    Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to
          your club.  
Americans:Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves. 
Canadians:Believe that that's the government's job. 


Aussies:  Are extremely patriotic to their beer. 
Americans:Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the 
          point of blindness.
Canadians:Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered
          to sing them.
Brits:    Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform
          the anthem. 


Americans:Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. 
Canadians:Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. 
Brits:    Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels. 

 
Americans:Love to watch sports on the idiot box. 
Brits:    Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other fans.
Canadians:Prefer to actually engage in sports rather than watch them. 


Americans:Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and
          basketball. 
Brits:    Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby. 
Canadians:Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey,
          and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
     

Americans:Spell words differently, but still call it "English". 
Brits:    Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English". 
Canadians:Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans. 
Aussies:  Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an
          attempt to get laid.


Brits:    Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an
          island. 
Americans:Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a 
          backwards country.
Canadians:Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a 
          backwards country.


Americans:Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer. 
Canadians:Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer. 
Brits:    Drink warm, beery-tasting piss. 
Aussies:  Drink anything with alcohol in it. 


Americans:Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect. 
Canadians:Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect. 
Brits:    Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are
          inherited things.
Aussies:  Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers. 
  

Canadians:Encourage immigrants to keep their old ways, and avoid
          assimilation. 
Americans:Encourage immigrants to assimilate quickly, and dump their old
          ways. 
Brits:    Encourage immigrants to go to Canada or America. 


Canadians:Endure bitterly cold winters, and are proud of it. 
Brits:    Endure oppressively wet & dreary winters, and are proud of it. 
Americans:Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less. 
Aussies:  Don't understand what inclement weather means. 


Aussies:  Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious. 
Canadians:Have produced many great comedians, like John Candy, Martin Short,
          Lorne Michaels (SNL producer), Jim Carrey, Michael O'Donohue (SNL
          writer), the Kids in the Hall, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at
          SCTV. 
Americans:Think that these people are American! 
Brits:    Have produced many great comedians, but Americans ignore them
          because they don't understand subtle humour.


Brits:    Are obsessed with the Queen, and royal family peccadilloes. 
Americans:Are obsessed with the President, his family, and even their cat! 
Canadians:Would gladly settle for Prince Charles having an affair with a 
          Canadian girl.


Brits:    Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens. 
Americans:Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present 
          citizens. 
Canadians:Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once 
          Canadian.