IJMC - Feline Physics

There are moments in your life that you are proud of. There are moments 
which you will never forget. There are moments which help redefine who 
you are. I'd like every moment to be one of those such moments. I'll 
settle for racking up as many of them as I can.                   -dave







FELINE PHYSICS

  Law of Cat Inertia

    A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by
    some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby
    scurrying mouse.

  Law of Cat Motion

    A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good
    reason to change direction.

  Law of Cat Magnetism

    All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct
    proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

  Law of Cat Thermodynamics

    Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case
    of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

  Law of Cat Stretching

    A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of
    the nap just taken.

  Law of Cat Sleeping

    All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position
    as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as
    possible for the cat.

  Law of Cat Elongation

    A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any
    counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. 

  Law of Cat Obstruction

    A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the
    maximum amount of human foot traffic.

  Law of Cat Acceleration

    A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and
    ready to stop.

  Law of Dinner Table Attendance

    Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. 

  Law of Rug Configuration

    No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

  Law of Obedience Resistance

    A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for
    her to do something.

  First Law of Energy Conservation

    Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and
    will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

  Second Law of Energy Conservation

    Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

  Law of Refrigerator Observation

    If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come
    along and take out something good to eat.

  Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

    Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the
    speed of light.

  Law of Random Comfort Seeking

    A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most
    comfortable spot in any given room.

  Law of Bag/Box Occupancy

    All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within
    the earliest possible nanosecond.

  Law of Cat Embarrassment

    A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment
    times the amount of human laughter.

  Law of Milk Consumption

    A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he
    can.

  Law of Furniture Replacement

    A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to
    the cost of the furniture.

  Law of Cat Landing

    A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the
    mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

  Law of Fluid Displacement

    A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the
    amount of milk consumed.


  Law of Cat Disinterest

    A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the
    amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

  Law of Pill Rejection

    Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape
    velocity.

  Law of Cat Composition

    A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter