IJMC - Yet Another Collection of Steven Wright Type Lines (YACoSWTL)

Wow, that was odd. I number all of the posts that go out with the date. 
So I just sent out what should have been the first post for the year. The 
file name ended up being 990101. It just looks odd. Granted, the first 
post of next year will look worse, as 000101 (hmm, 5 in binary) and then 
the first post of the new millenium will be 010101 (21). Cool, I guess 
that means the IJMC has to live through to the new millenium. Cause I 
like the file date!                                                 -dave




Things that make you go hmmmmm.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it's zero degrees outside today, and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw bread? (or potatoes?)

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished?  Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, then they're allstuck together?

Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?  Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

The light went out, but where to?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the driver end up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a "near miss"? It sounds like a near hit to me!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why are they called the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

Why is it, when a door is open, it's ajar; but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.   Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then what is the opposite of progress?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we wash bath towels?  Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4s"?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Should you trust a  stockbroker who is married to a travel agent?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"  She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those physics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

From	Http://www.hardyharhar.com/ha/ha.cgi