IJMC - You Could Call This a Joke

I will not claim to have earned my divinity degree through guilt. Most of 
the time, the queue works as the queue does...what comes up for each 
night depends on when it went in. If people keep sending non-jokes that I 
approve for the list, then non-jokes it is. If people keep sending in 
jokes that I approve for the list, then jokes it is. Just consider your 
dear International Junk Mail Clearinghouse a factory filtered by yours 
truly. If I like it...or have to suffer through it...you probably will as 
well. Or, just delete it after the first paragraph. You will not hurt my 
feelings for doing so...                                            -dave


  Here are a few examples of before and after you fall in love:
 
  BEFORE - You take my breath away
  AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating
 
  BEFORE - Twice a night
  AFTER - Twice a month
 
  BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
  AFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac
 
  BEFORE - Don't stop
  AFTER - Don't start
 
  BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
  AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey
 
  BEFORE - It's like I'm living in a dream
  AFTER - It's like he lives in a dorm
 
  BEFORE - $60/doz.
  AFTER - $1.50/stem
 
  BEFORE - We agree on everything
  AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
 
  BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
  AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom
 
  BEFORE - Feathers and handcuffs
  AFTER - Ball and chain
 
  BEFORE - I love a woman with curves
  AFTER - I never said you were fat
 
  BEFORE - Time stood still
  AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere
 
  BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other
  AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you